through the lens

Do you ever get to the end of your day and think that you've accomplished nothing? Have you had those days where you run around and around and end up exhausted...and deflated? Homeschooling can be exhausting. And, if you're not careful, it can be easy to believe that your wheels are just spinning.

January has been interesting. My eldest daughter, Hannah, has been keeping a photography blog called 2010 in 2010. She's using the blog to document the year with 2010 pictures. It's fascinating and fun watching her gather pictures. It's also been a blessing.

How so? Through her images I'm beginning to rediscover the beauty of every day. Of living. Of homeschooling. She captures moments that I would have forgotten. Memories of times doing life now frozen still in time.

In these images I'm beginning to rediscover that we do accomplish tasks, projects, and fun times in our homeschool journey. I've re-learned that baking bread is noble...and learning. I've rejoiced over the silliness that is caught through her lens. Or the freezing temps.

Our Lord is such a neat God. I love how He speaks to us in the day to day moments of life. So often we can miss His voice, just as I missed the learning that was going on in my home. It's so easy to get caught up in the fast-track busy lifestyle that our eyes are blinded to His constant presence. But, He's there. He's woven in every breath of our day. In Psalms it states, " But they delight in the law of the LORD, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season." (Psalm 1:2-3). How are we reminded of the beauty of our Lord? Being in His WORD. Day and Night. Not when we feel like it, but daily. Just like Hannah's photos capture the beauty of our day to day life, the Lord's Word, which is exponentially superior, captures HIS beauty in our lives. He's the one to guide our steps.

Think about this...how easy is it to allow our focus to shift off of Him and onto self? Or the world? And then what is the message that they preach to us? More. You're not good enough. You need this. You're a failure. You'll never measure up. Just do it. Greed. Lust. Pride. Anger. Hopelessness. Are these the messages that we need to hear? Or base our life on? Absolutely not. But these lies are so vicious, so interwoven into our culture that it's critical that we are aware of them. And in being aware, not allowing them to take root, but filling our minds with the truth. The truth found in Him, in Jesus, in His Word.

So take time to open His book. Read some truth. The true TRUTH.

Oh, and if you'd like, check out Hannah's photography blog, 2010 in 2010.

Leona Lewis - I See You ( Avatar Soundtrack)

 Leona Lewis - I See You



Leona Lewis - I See You (Lyrics)

I see you
I see you
Walking through a dream
I see you
My light in darkness breathing hope of new life
Now I live through you and you through me
Enchanting
I pray in my heart that this dream never ends
I see me through your eyes

Living through life flying high
Your life shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
I

The Lord gives...

...and takes away.

Today is my Chloe's 12th birthday. She is a delight, a blessing, and a joy to have in our family. And a true gift. Twelve years and one week ago, my grandmother died. Grandma was a tender woman, full of laughter and kindness. She battled Alzheimers for six months. It was heart-wrenching to watch her earthly mind slip away. And a little over twelve years ago she entered the throne room of the Lord with a new mind, a new body.


Our family, while rejoicing for Grandma's entrance into heaven, mourned our earthly loss. It was the first grandparent to die...a new chapter in my parents lives. And I was pregnant with Chloe. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. I remember sitting in the chapel of my grandparents church singing "Abide with Me" thinking that if we were blessed with a girl that I wanted to name her after my grandma. And we did. Chloe's middle name? Laurella. After grandma, who died one week before Chloe graced this earth.


In the midst of sorrow, the Lord gave. In fact, the Lord blessed. To have Chloe named after Grandma meant a great deal to my dad... her son. Her name blessed me. The life found in a new baby helped soothe the aches of loss. Chloe's little body represented hope and joy.

The above picture is of my Grandpa holding newborn Chloe. I love the joy in his face as he holds his granddaughter...the very one who bears his wife's name. His smile was such a gift for me to see...such a blessing in the midst of a trying week.


The neatest part of this story is that my dear Chloe reminds everyone of my grandmother. They look a bit alike. They both love to cook. And they both have a zest for nature and a heart for family. God is good! I tell Chloe about her grandmother. And those times when I miss my Grandma many times I look at my Chloe, my gift.


Someday they will meet face to face in heaven. What an amazing reunion that will be! Can you imagine? It gives me chills to think of the two of them meeting, hugging, and laughing together. What a God we serve. He is a God of hope, a God of forever. This life is NOT forever, it is not finite. Life with the Father is FOREVER...INFINITE. That joy stirs hope and life in my heart! Alleluia to the King!


One last tidbit about Chloe....for those of who you know her this probably won't be that much of a surprise...she was born at 11:59pm. I just laugh when I think about her arrival. Almost late, but always on time. She's a mover, and when she sets her mind to something she'll get it done always on time. But, it's on her time...like deciding to arrive at the last possible moment of the day. Her day, her birthday.


Happy Birthday Chloe Laurella! I love you.

the power of prayer

Samuel has been sick this week. He developed an awful cough, that has kept us awake many nights. In fact, on the first night it was so bad that it scared Todd and myself so much that we almost trekked to the emergency room. Until Todd prayed.

He told me he was going to go upstairs to pray for Samuel. It was 3:45 in the morning, and little three month old Samuel was choking so bad that he wasn't getting any air in. Frightening. As I held Samuel singing to him, I began to notice that his breathing was calming down. He began to soften in my arms, and slowly drifted asleep. While Todd prayed.

It's so easy to dismiss prayer. It would be easy to simply state that it was coincidence that Samuel began breathing easier while his Dad stormed the gates of heaven. It would be safer to say that. It's a bold statement to claim that prayer changed Samuel's breathing. Why are we so afraid to admit the power of prayer in today's world? In fact, I know that without that prayer we would have been sitting in North Memorial's Emergency Room waiting for a breathing treatment.

So often prayer is put on a shelf and pulled out when needed. And then, when one prays, does one truly pray believing that his/her prayer will be heard? In the study, "The Truth Project," we are reminded that when one prays they are, in fact, entering the throne room of the Almighty. Oh how many times do I forget that amazing truth when I pray. Or, so often we pray powerlessly. Our prayers are prayers of pleading, begging, and defeat. Imagine the power of believing and praying boldly. "Heal Samuel. Thank you that His lungs are clear and that he is getting more than enough oxygen. God, you are a Healer. Use your power. Thank you." Power.

Jesus told us to pray. Jesus set the example of prayer. He taught us to pray His prayer, the Lord's Prayer. In that prayer it states, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done. On earth as in Heaven." His power is for now, my friends. His kingdom is here on earth. We are the body, we are the believers. We need to have faith in belief. We need to pray. Without ceasing.

Blessings on your Sunday.

believe

I've started a new study with our Lifegroup from church. We're delving into The Truth Project (www.thetruthproject.org). In tonight's session we were asked to ponder questions about life and about what truth is. One of the things that struck me was the way powerful truths and words of the Bible and of the Lord are watered down in society. One of those words? Believe.

What does believe mean? How do we define it? According to Dictionary.com:

Believing is :to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so: Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.

So often belief is based on the past. Change involves not repeating what has been done prior. By not believing, then it is self-limiting. What is belief based on there? On what has been. Not what will be. A negative, such as not, is often attached with believe. "I don't believe he'll change."

If belief is rooted in the past, then that is the direction our lives move. And if our definition of the Lord is wrapped into our worldly view of belief then we aren't truly believing who He is. For instance, if I equated "God loves me" to good times (such as Samuel's birth) and God doesn't love me (such as my husband being diagnosed with cancer) then my belief about God would be limited to a worldly definition. If I decided to believe the truth in His Word, then I believe that God loves me in both situations. Unconditionally.

So what do we believe? What is believing? Is it based on what the world states as true? The world bombards us with ideas, solutions, and self-answers. Is that believing? To think that we have the answers? It seems as if we, and myself included, are looking for our own fixes for believing....and these answers aren't based upon the truth of who God is. He tells us, "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (1Corinthians 4:18). What am I believing to look at? That's the true question. Am I believing the needs the world presents or am I believing in the truth of the Word. Am I living for self? Or for Him? What's the foundation?

As I continue forward this year I'm determined to look at what it means to state I believe. For me, there's a great deal of letting go, of forgiving, of seeking the truth. Believing means looking at Him, at His Word and believing that HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS. Not temporary. But forever. Loving. Just. The lamb. My King. My Father. Jesus.

So what am I purposefully acting on? On beliefs rooted on the lies of this world? Or on the truth of the Lord? My challenge as I press on is to be aware of my thoughts. What is dictating my decision to believe at each moment? When my thoughts align with the truth of Christ then my I believe is rooted in Him.

It will be an interesting journey....

return

I've decided to return to blogging.

For four years I've blogged. Sometimes daily, sometimes weekly, and many other times with months in-between. Journaling online has been a therapeutic journey of healing for me. It began with a caringbridge site where I simply posted updates of my husbands cancer treatment. What started out so tiny blossomed into a very vulnerable releasing of emotions and led to a journey of belief. And as I wrote, people followed. Perhaps it's the realness, the rawness? But ultimately, it's been good for me. I've learned to let down my guard, to challenge my thoughts, and to proclaim boldly the love and belief I have in our Lord.

But today, my decision to restart my blogging venture is because I was challenged by my husband to release the pain of the past, to be joyful in the present, and to truly believe in the future. 2010 is a milestone. Not only a new year, but a new decade. There's so many wonderful events waiting to unfold in the years to come. But, also, sprinkled in, times of sorrow, struggle and hardship. And I know that. I've lived in the shadows of the pits. I've lived not knowing where the next dollar is coming from. I've lived sitting in a hospital lobby while my husband is undergoing surgery for cancer. I've lived. And, I believe.

What do I believe? I believe that God is good. That I, an undeserving soul, will spend eternity in heaven because Jesus, sweet Jesus, gave His life for me on the cross. I believe God loves me despite every single flaw that blemishes me. And this year I believe that my decision to I believe means letting go of the years of trials....not feeling regrets for all the things that I wish I had done. Today I need to take those scars and allow the Lord to work through me. To redeem and restore me. Those times of failures in the past don't need to define. They don't need to remain as permanent notes plastered over my identity. No. Instead, our gracious Lord, can take those ugly marks and restore them into something beautiful.

You see, my friends, I've been a bit stuck. I've been lamenting everything I didn't do and allowing that to rob me of the joy of today. And in that my I believe of the future was growing dim. Believing takes energy, work...commitment.

Every year I pray and ask the Lord for a verse that our family will pray for the entire year. This year, the verse came to me while I was driving south on I94 past Cabelas. I was in a sour mood. I was mourning all that was wrong at the moment. The future was looking dim. I was bitter. And this is the verse that I so clearly heard was THE verse:

I am the LORD your God,

who brought you up out of Egypt.

Open wide your mouth

and I will fill it.

(Psalm 81:10)

My mood quickly shifted. The first statement in that verse is a fact. I am the Lord. And your God. Well, you see, my friends, I've been describing this past year as a year of wandering in the desert. And I'd compare it to the 40 years the Israelites wandered before entering the Promised Land. I didn't know what to do, or where to go, and I'd find myself grumbling about the years that I felt were wasted prior. And then I read this verse. He's my God. He redeemed me, brought me out of that desolate place, that pit. How could I have forgotten that? Where did my belief go?

It was all too easy to slough off, to get caught in the nitty-gritty unimportant details of this world and forget the beauty right before my very face. You know...the laughter of my Elijah as he makes his newborn brother, Samuel, smile. Or the endearing gesture of love Brennan, my six year old, demonstrated when he heard me coughing and got a "special" glass of water for me. I was missing it. I was so caught up in my own world of loss that I began to lose the present. I was believing that my future was going to mirror the past. I needed to refocus my gaze forward, not back.

When Todd was sick I prayed that the Lord would use my voice for His glory. Right now, and through this blog, I desire to bring glory to Him. By choosing to document the I Believe moments of my life I am, in essence, aiming to honor Him. He is my Savior. He has held my hand when I grumbled, or lost faith, or looked away. The Lord is faithful, and has blessed me beyond measure. So I will open my mouth....I will wait...I will believe.