goodbye lights, ornaments, and 2010

Yesterday I took the Christmas tree down. That thing probably could have been up for a couple more weeks -- it was still drinking water and the needles were barely falling off. Yet, it was totally time for me to remove it from the house. We needed space. But, more than that, I like to start the new year without the Christmas stuff up and the house clean.

There is beautiful closure found in taking down the tree.

As I put away each ornament and pulled down the strands of light I began to ponder next year. I wondered what my life would be like when I unwrapped the strands of light. I thought about life changes, and challenges and growth.What will life be like the next time I touch these lights? How will things change? How will they be the same?

Ornaments and decorations are interesting. You pack them up at the end of the year only to unpack them at the almost end of the following year. Year after year they are pulled out. There is a beautiful nostalgia in this tradition.

As I pondered the future I also remembered this year.

Samuel
Your first birthday. How grateful I am that emergency doctors and surgeons recognized that you needed help when you swallowed that sequin star. We are so blessed by you in our lives.

Elijah
Your voice. You started the year as a 2 1/2 year old who talked just a bit, and now as the year closes, you talk a blue-streak. You are hilarious. And full of spunk. And feisty. And such a gift.

Caleb
What can I say? You are my hero. This year you started to read. You are deeply caring. Not a day goes by where I don't hear from you, "love you mom." You have a beautiful heart, my son.

Brennan
Super strong man. With a heart for God. You made me so proud when you were in your Pirate Musical. Watching you on stage filled my heart with joy. You are a reader, and a helper, and the leader of the band of brothers. And you look so awesome missing those front teeth. :)

Grace
My ballet princess. You are so beautiful. This year you dove into ballet -- and the result is exquisite. You help me out so much. I am blessed by your company and am so grateful to be your mom.

Chloe
This is my last year with you before you turn 13. It seems like I just looked into your beautiful blue eyes when you were born. And now, you're just about as tall as me. Your heart is so tender, so pure, so focused on the Lord. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful it is to be real.

Hannah
My oldest. I have seen you start the year with an interest in photography which has now shifted to a passion for photography. You capture our lives with every click. Thank you for living your life for Christ. Your faithfulness encourages me in my own daily walk.

Todd
My faithful husband. This year marked five years since you were diagnosed with cancer. These years have been hard -- ripple effects from being out of work for months due to cancer -- and yet despite the difficulties they have been beautiful. Full of gifts, and hope, and a future. I love you.

So now the 2010 tree is outside plopped in the snow. This journey, this Christmas, is coming to a close. Tomorrow marks a new year. New challenges. New joys. Life keeps moving. Time flies by. I want to live. Alive. Aware. And grateful.

"For I know the plans I have for you,"

declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

walking forward - steps for the new year

My daughter wrote a beautiful post regarding the new year. She titled it dreams goals and hopes for the year - not resolutions. Her list inspired me to create one of my own.

I want to laugh more

to play on the floor with my little ones

to listen to my teens tell me their dreams

to have an open shoulder for them to rest on

and a heart for their heart.

to drive without a phone

no calls, no incoming texts, no nothing

to drive focused

safe

wise

to make my husband coffee in the morning

to smile

to look at him

and not all that needs to be done.

to not be on the computer as soon as I get up

but rather be in the Word

truth

real life

I want to not worry what others think of me

to walk with confidence

to love

to serve others

Let me be thankful

to not forget how blessed we are

to not lose sight of freedom.

Let me remember the past

learn from it

but not be bound to it.

Even when there are worries

let me release them to the Father.

Am I not more important than the lillies in the field?

Let me be aware of time

that moments spent with my loved ones

trump time spent doing my own thing.

As the seasons pass may I be filled with hope

and joy

and wonder

and let me notice those around me.

Those hurting

or in need.

Those I love

and those I don't even know.

Let me see beyond me.

May I worship fully.

And pray without ceasing.

Whether it's doing the dishes

or folding laundry

or next to my children.

Let my eyes focus on my Savior.

Let me open my home.

And not worry about having everything perfect.

May my heart be one of warmth.

Inviting.

When I write let it be from the heart.

Real.

Funny.

Hopeful.

Intentional.

Authentic.

I don't want to stuff emotions under the surface.

(I've done that)

If I need to mourn

then I'll mourn.

If I need to laugh

then I'll laugh.

If I need to seek truth

then I'll be on my knees.

There are only 12 months.

365 days.

8,766 hours.

525,949 minutes.

31,556,926 seconds.

Time is precious.

Time moves fast.

Let me be awake.

Alive.

Grateful.

late night reminders

blurry

On December 24 I drove to Walmart at 12:05 am. In the midst of a heavy snow-storm on unplowed roads. I made that late night trek because I had realized I was short a couple presents for my boys -- and since we celebrate Christmas with our kids on Christmas Eve morning that was the only solution that Todd and I could think of. It was interesting -- as I was reminded to stop looking at my own life and take a moment to see someone elses.

Here's why.

~As I was driving in 4 inches of unplowed snow I came up to a minivan struggling to get up the back-country roads. I had noticed that cars were getting frustrated at this vehicle and would race around it irritated. I came up, slowed down, and followed this van for the next 5 miles. When it needed room, I made room. When cars passed I slowed down so this van would have space. As I was driving, with only the headlights illuminating heavily falling snow, I knew I was to be patient. To serve in a way that seemed so simple.

When the van finally turned right where I needed to go straight the driver waved, with a gloved hand out the window, thanks. I wonder if that was why I needed to go out.

Who was that man? Why was he driving through the snow? I wondered.

~When I was at Walmart -- by this time it was 12:30 -- I noticed all these people wandering around, checking prices, shopping, and looking downcast. Really. It was this energy in the store. I had never felt it before, and I began to think about the reasons why so many people filled the aisles on Christmas Eve morning.

When I went to pay, I pulled out change for the 2 Toy Story 3 puzzles, a couple of Lego sets, and a checkers game. As I was fumbling for 65cents a couple of guys behind me loudly stated -- maybe next time I should just come here and pay with a bag of pennies. I ignored them. My cashier looked mortified. She mumbled an apology, and a -- merry Christmas -- and then sadly turned back to deal with those guys.

Who was she? Why was she working in the middle of the night at Walmart?

I thought about her the entire time I drove home. I thought about how I needed to be reminded to remember others in the midst of the holidays. Here I was just hours before frustrated that I had to leave my warm home to buy a couple more presents to add to the already wrapped stash under our tree. How quickly I was humbled -- how blessed I was to add extra gifts -- and just as quickly my frustration turned to thankfulness.

~So I said a prayer for that cashier. And those impatient guys. And the mom with the 3 kids wandering around at 12:47 am. And the lone man in the green minivan with the bad tires.

It was a reminder to me that Christmas really isn't about all that stuff. All that stuff that so quickly irritates us as we have to find new homes for it. Christmas is about Jesus -- His birth. And in remembering that it brings eyes to see others. My vision was blurry. All I could see when I left my house was my own needs. I was selfish. I wish that I could always have my eyes open. I wish that I could do more. Give more. Not just look at me. When I arrived back home at 1:16 am I could only be grateful as I wrapped those new Walmart gifts.

And remember those I met on my snowy trip to Walmart on Christmas Eve.

clear
(thanks to my daughter, Hannah from Aspire, for both of these pictures)

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crabby mom versus cheerful mom

These days between Christmas and New Years Day are interesting, aren't they? You still have Christmas decorations up, the house is a mess (at least parts of mine. I go to my room or the bathroom for sanctuary. They're probably the only rooms without new toys somewhere.), the schedule is screwed up, the kids have had way too much sugar, and honestly, there isn't much of a plan.

This can make me crabby.

Like Scrooge crabby.

(me probably thinking about where I'm going to put those toys)

I slowly begin to remove the snowmen, and the window clings, the Christmas dishes, and crumpled paper. The clothes gradually make their way from warm bodies to the dirty basket in the laundry room. Toys begin to migrate from under the tree to their respected homes in various kids rooms. This will go on until the day where I've decided that I've had enough. Then within hours my home will go from looking like a mild atomic bomb went off to clean. Very clean. At least very clean standards for a family of nine.

I'm kind of like that. I can put up with stuff for a while and then all of a sudden I can't handle it anymore. It's a mindset -- right?

Kind of like the day I really decide to potty-train my three year old. Or go switch the summer and winter clothes. Or purge the closets of toys. Or clean out the cabinets and fridge. Or clean the truck. Or deal with those over due library books. Or empty the email inbox flooded with 1024 new emails.

I'm thinking today or for sure tomorrow is the day when I reclaim my space. Until then? I'll live with Legos underfoot, and Woody Dolls in the corner, and a Mario Kart figurine on my computer desk, and the sound of the Wii downstairs. And I won't be crabby about it. I won't.

Because I know it's just a couple of days. And their laughter, their freedom, their is worth more than my need for order. That's what they'll remember.

Crabby mom vs cheerful mom who doesn't mind tripping over a couple dozen new toys.

Today that's my attitude. And, yes, I'll still be slowly taking down some of those decorations that were so artfully placed throughout my home weeks ago. And I won't complain.

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