why I blog

Lately, I've been getting comments wondering where I find time to blog. And these comments got me pondering, once again,
why I carve out time to blog.

First, I'm just a mom.  And a wife.  And a friend. And a daughter.  And I like to be busy.  I'm one of those people who has a hard time sitting still.  Literally.  In fact, when we have company over (like today) it is almost excruciating for me to sit.  This, I know, needs to change.  I need to learn to relax, to have fun, to enjoy.  The truth?  If I'm away from my home I can do this.  When I'm home?  It's almost impossible.  I just love being busy.  And, honestly, when I'm busy I don't think and dwell on the hard things of life -- instead I pray and surrender while I work. 

Still, that's not why I blog.

I find time to blog because it helps me think.  It helps me to process life.  I'm able to push myself to do better, to create a game, or cook new things, or read that book -- it's as if I see life through a different lens.  Life is hard.  It just is.  And, it really isn't fair.  I've learned (and I commented on Lynnette Krafts blog about this tonight--she wrote a great post about the idea of fairness) that if I stick in the category of thinking that it's not fair  then I'm stuck.  It's like having one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brakes.  I may create a lot of noise, and friction, and heat -- but no movement.

Somehow blogging helps me

lift my foot off the brake.  

I'm able to start processing and letting go of all of the it's not fair labels that I grasp.  I think about how Jesus needs to be the center of my life, and in the process I begin to see life differently.  In those moments, the realness of God is tangible, and His truth sings to my heart.  Maybe it's in a sign, like one-ways, or in the grass, or the grill, or my little Elijah, or even sweeping.  Whatever it is, the truth that He is permeates my life.  And I feel compelled to write about it.  To share the intimate joy that loving the Savior brings.  And to share those moments where I'm burdened, weighed down -- those real and raw times -- because, my friends, we all have them.  And when you're in one of those pit places of life it feels so lonely.  Like no one would ever ever understand.  I always pray that some of my vulnerability in blogging encourages another to stand up and cling to whatever glimmer of faith is trying to spark in their heart.  For where there is light, there is hope. And I cling to hope.

I love blogging.  I love writing.  And I love speaking and sharing my story.  It's not about me.  It's about my Jesus.  It's about giving Him all the hurts, and trials, and sadness coupled with the joy, happiness and everyday, and telling Him "Here am I" and asking Him to use me for His good.  His purpose.

I give all glory to Him. 

I'm just a person, living a life filled with joys and sorrows.  A writer.  A feeler.  One who wants to share.  To encourage.  To be a light in a dark and weary world.  To be joyful. To laugh, and cry. To learn. To be real. To live.

That, my friends, is why I blog.

Miscellany Monday

Yippee!!  It's another round of my favorite and totally random Miscellany Monday posts!!

I love this Monday theme from Carissa.  In some odd way, it helps me to process my week, and frees up those "almost" posts into a post allows me to be real. -- and as you'll see from my last fact -- gives me an opportunity to be a bit silly. Imagine that? Me silly?  Naaahhhh...

So here are this weeks tidbits:

1) I check Carissa's blog several times a day.  Now, first I'm not a stalker. Here's the truth -- I really consider her a great friend-- coupled with the fact that she is full term -- so you put them together and it equals blog checking for baby news.  Can you say I'm excited?  I've told her to try to plan to have her sweet Sage on June 3 -- which is my daughter's, (Hannah from Aspire) birthday.  So -- Carissa, know that when you read this that you are loved and not simply a watched pot. :)

2) Bottom freezers, while beautiful on the outside, are actually a bit of a problem.  We have this gorgeous LG bottom freezer refrigerator.  I love how it looks.  I do not like that once every 6-8 weeks I have to defrost the freezer or else too much condensation builds up on the fan that kicks air up to the fridge.  It either make a terrible noise (as any fan would burned with ice on it's blades) or turns off (which is worse - because there is no cooling in the top portion.)  So -- there's my little fridge tidbit.  Looks great -- lots of work.  Sounds a bit like life -- some days.

3) I do between 10-15 loads of laundry a week.  Ok.  No more words needed for that comment.  Maybe a virtual pat-on-the-back or a "great job" would help.  Now...off to add just one more load.

4) This is a picture of my sisters and my feet.  I have no idea why we took this picture three summers ago.  However, I do know that some day we will look fondly back at our smooth and young feet. Plus, there is something very cool to me about the bond that we have as sisters that this picture represents. This picture always makes me smile -- and I finally got it in a post!

5) Finale -- I mean finally -- This is a picture I did of myself on Josten's Yearbook Yourself site. (You must try it.)  I inserted my face into a hairdo slot for 1992.  The really sad thing about this photo is that my hair really did look that.  Truly.  I need to go and take a picture of my senior pics. Sigh.  Big hair was cool, trust me! Seriously.  And it took lots of product.....and teasing...and styling...and product...and....and....and....to look like this...

 

So....now that you've had a good chuckle (at my expense)...

have a fabulous Monday!  

And don't forget to head on over to Carissa's blog and link up

because I love to read your random miscellany facts as well.

(and look at any pictures from Josten's Yearbook Yourself)

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instead of

time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin'

Into the future

Where does time go? 

It just feels like I was the age of my almost 14 year old daughter, Hannah.  When life spread before me -- options, opportunity, and adventure.  It just feels like I was a mother of two little girls -- when mothering was so new, so fresh, and tiring. It just feels as if I began homeschooling -- and now I'm on my tenth year, my oldest will be starting highschool work, and now I have five to teach.  It just feels as if Samuel was just born -- and now he's crawling, laughing, and almost a year. 

What is it with time?    

 What would I have done?

What have I learned?

-Here are just some of my thoughts-

Instead of worrying about how clean my home is -- I would have started coffee and welcomed friends with open arms

Instead of saying "in a minute" -- I would stand up and read that story

Instead of living for the approval of the world -- I'd live for the Father

Instead of trying to get my point across -- I would take time to seek, understand and listen

Instead of complaining about the laundry -- I would be grateful for the little ones who wear the clothes

Instead of worrying -- I would pray

Instead of comparing -- I would look and be grateful

Instead of rushing places -- I'd take the back roads and enjoy

Instead of throwing in the towel and thinking that I can't do it -- I would stand back up, brush myself off and continue

Instead of telling my kids what they need to change -- I would tell them first what they are doing right

Instead of turning on the television -- I would pull out a game

Instead of complaining that there's nothing to eat -- I'd be grateful for cabinets overflowing with food

Instead of just praying -- I'd also be helping

Instead of doing the gardening all by myself -- I would let my four year old dig in the dirt with me

Instead of always cleaning the kitchen right after dinner -- I'd would sit and chat and listen

Instead of reading emails in the morning -- I would open my Bible

Time keeps moving.

I hope I learn from it.

--tell me--
What have you learned over the course of time?

Diana Irina Boanca crowned Miss Bikini International 2010

Diana Irina Boanca crowned Miss Bikini International 2010

Diana Irina Boanca of Romania crowned Miss Bikini International 2010

Diana Irina Boanca of Romania was crowned Miss Bikini International 2010 at the Finale held last night at the coastal resort of Sanya, in south China’s Hainan Province. Diana Irina Boanca is the winner of the 35th Miss Bikini International World Final. She is 22 year old and currently a senior college student in Romania.
“I am so excited that I do not know what to say. All the contestants are very strong and I must say I am so lucky to win,” Boanca said after being crowned.


The four runners-up who are equal in rank are Australia (First Spring Lady), Venezuela (First Summer Lady), China (First Autumn Lady), and Latvia (First Winter Lady).

Overall winner – Romania (Diana Irina Boanca)

1st Spring lady – Australia 1st Summer Lady – Venezuela 1st Autumn Lady – China 1st Winter Lady – Latvia
2nd Spring Lady – Greece 2nd Summer lady – Kenya 2nd Autumn Lady – Bulgaria 2nd Winter lady – Russia
3rd Spring Lady – Thailand 3rd Summer Lady – Malaysia 3rd Autumn Lady – Spain 3rd Winter lady – Kazakhstan

below are the remain in top 26 :-
Albania, Armenia, Belarus, Canada, England, Ethiopia, Moldova, Netherlands, Panama, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Uruguay

The Subtitles are :-
Miss Charity – China
Miss Health – Netherlands, 1st runner – Japan, 2nd runner – Latvia
Miss Talent – India, 1st runner – Czech rep, 2nd runner – Turkmenistan
Best Figure – Thailand, 1st runner – Kenya, 2nd runner – Tartarstan
Miss Charm – Philippines, 1st runner – Ukraine, 2nd runner – Malaysia
Miss Photogenic – Bosnia, 1st runner – Albania, 2nd runner – France
Miss Disco – Bulgaria, 1st runner – Belarus, 2nd runner – Estonia
Best National Costume – Ecuador, 1st runner – Brazil, 2nd runner – Ethiopia
Miss friendship – Spain
Miss Internet Popularity – Venezuela

Credit: China News.

simple joys

You'd think that we never have food in my house.  When I come home from the grocery store my kids are instantly hungry and it literally becomes a mild feeding frenzy in our kitchen.

Can I have some blueberries?

How about cherries?

A nectarine?

Could I just try this cereal?...please?

You got this?  You're the best!

Could I please have a teeny - tiny taste of these crackers?

So my new strawberries end up on the top shelf of our cabinet -- out of little ones reach -- just until dinner -- they're just waiting for that yummy fruit salad.

It's these simple things in life that make me content.  They bring joy.  It doesn't need to be a grandiose trip, or a new couch, or any thing huge -- it's the little things.  The excitement of Elijah as he eats a handful of blueberries. The joy that the box of freezy pops brings to my older boys.   And me?  I'm grateful.  So thankful for stores that are bursting with food.  Thankful for the $56 I saved using coupons.  Thankful for the ability to purchase food.   Thankful for the new baseball that we received as we were leaving the parking lot.  Thankful for the vehicle to get to the store.  Thankful for the working fridge to put the food into.  Thankful for the little faces grinning as they unloaded the bags. 

Thankful.

---------------------------------

Have a blessed Saturday!

Notes to Elijah

This is my moochie man.

He does not like you to call him anything but

Elijah.

I love, love, love that little guy - that little face - that spitfire of a boy.

When he was born we named him

Elijah Nathaniel

which means

The Lord is my God

and

Gift of God

I need to remind myself of the gift that Elijah is to me -- to our family.  He's in the midst of those challenging end of the twos.  He's busy, into everything, thinks he's big, and lacks some self-control.  His mamma is tired.  So this morning, before I begin the day and before he begins being busy I decided to remind myself of all the great and awesome gifts that Elijah brings to our life.

He is:

so sweet

caring

silly

refuses to call his number 6 during roll call

loves Jesus

independent

instead of saying I he says mine-a

curious

tender

a jumper

a laugher

adventurous

my gift from God -- truly

hilarious

shrugs his shoulders when he doesn't know

always says thank-you

funny

rides a little car all around the main level

a joy

a thinker

a child of God

So that when I see this later

I will remember

this.

------------------------

I've linked up to Fingerprints Fridays on TheRustedChain blog.
( I came back to read other blogs, read her entry, and knew I needed to link up.) 


 Elijah has the fingerprints of God all over him.
  He was our baby we had when we were told there would be no more due too the beast of cancer.
(and yes, we've had two since that prediction)

Top 10 Biggest Volcanic Eruptions in History

The recent eruptions of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland were a stark reminder of nature’s ability to bring human activity to an abrupt standstill. The cloud of smoke that drifted over Western Europe made aviation travel untenable, returning European skies to a quietude not felt for decades. Yet, while the effects of the eruption were frustrating for would-be travellers, they paled in

peeling away

worrying

wondering

thinking

pondering

praying

releasing

removing

surrender

praising

worshiping

humility

grateful

indebted

saved

freedom

joy

That's the way thoughts are.  You start with one and it progresses to the next and the next and the next. It's so easy to become stuck at one -- for me it can be worry -- and not continue down the chain.

peeling away

It's like peeling an orange. You have to keep removing the outer layer to get to the fruit.  Those outer layers can have such a tight grip on us -- and many times, instead of working to uncover the deeper meaning or find surrender, those layers are just left.  When I was crabby the other day I could have just defined myself as crabby.  Instead, the truth is, that I was allowing the emotion of crabby to take over.  I  wasn't living by faith, or the truth, or at my best.  Instead I allowed a feeling to lead.  When I examined this emotion it was linked to overwhelm, then anxiety, then worry, then fear.  Yet it came out as crabby.

Because I was trying to judge

-- to figure out the whys --

-- not living in the now --

-- not grateful for the gifts --

Then this morning I read this in Ecclesiastes:

There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless.  So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 8:14-15

 which will I choose today?

I think I'll go with gladness.

truth

fighting against

Tonight I was weary.  Worn.  The older girls were at ballet, Samuel was fussy -- cutting top teeth, things weren't working, and I allowed myself to be crabby.  And I knew it.  The worldly side of me enjoyed snapping and moaning and being sullen.  Somehow I felt gain.  Only for a while. Temporary. Then the reality of my mood began to permeate my soul.  Here I had just written about choices and path, and I allowed myself to venture down this path of self.

I was measuring myself.  Against what I thought I should be.  Against what I thought I deserved to have.  Against the model in the magazine.  Against what I thought the ideal homeschool mom was like. Against the lawn several doors down.  Against all those moms who are caught up on their laundry.  Against those who can just buy what they need.  Against, against, against.  In those moments my contentment vanished. Instead all I could think of was against -- and how I didn't measure up.

Jesus said, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35
 
When I evaluate my worth against the world then I fail. I am simply hungry to fit in -- to not be against.  When I filter my worth through Christ then I am no longer hungry for the world's approval.  And then -- only then -- will my outer mood reflect the true contentment in my heart.

Tonight, as I write this post, I am content.  My kids are in bed.  My home isn't spotless.  My laundry still needs to be folded.  My bills need to be paid.  My family is loved.   My heart is at peace.  That contentment? Only found from Him -- the bread of life -- Jesus.

same yet different

That pic below shows the temp that the truck read yesterday.  My younger kids were sunburned.  Too much slip-n-slide, and too little sunblock.  The baby was hot.  And we had just finished waiting. Waiting for 15 minutes for my youngest daughter, Grace, to emerge from her ballet class.  Waiting in a hot truck.

the temp

We had just finished picking up 16 tomato plants and 12 pepper plants from my parents that were going to be planted in my garden.  Today.  But, yesterday, the allure of new plants waiting in the back quickly wilted as the temperature rose.

my plants

Tempers began to flare, and my patience started to fade.  Once Grace arrived chaos took over.  I could feel myself becoming angry and irritated and just wanted it quiet.  Then I yelled,

Welcome ladies and gentlemen
to the Amazing Ballet Rollercoaster.
Strap in and hold on tight.
You are in for a ride of your life!!

I opened the windows and drove home -- narrating our ride -- that all too familiar ride -- as if it were the most amazing rollercoaster ride ever.  Hills that they've stared at blankly for weeks became magical.  Hannah and Chloe didn't know quite what to think -- even though their mother was telling people to hold on and acting quite silly -- they knew it was better than chaos.  By the time we were several miles from home Hannah grabbed my phone and caught some pics.  Even the skeptic realized the benefit.

Better than anarchy, right?  Yet so many times I'm too tired to change patterns and I just slip into defeat.  The irony?  It takes more energy and frustration to try and stop fighting than it did to engage them and make our drive fun.

It reminds me of my prayers.  It's so easy to vent, or complain, or plead.  But to sit with God and enjoy His presence despite the present?  A much wiser, and more inspiring, decision.  And that's what it is -- a choice.  A choice to rise above, to believe, and to live with joy -- in any circumstance.  Life is bursting with difficulties, sorrows, pains, and frustrations.  The hills and roads and paths worn with just daily life.  Despite all of that -- God is -- and seeking Him and glorifying Him is the route I ache to take.  God is here in everything -- I've just lost sight of it -- just as like the road home from ballet had lost it's excitement.  I just need to wake up, and see Him -- again.

Those roads we drove yesterday we've driven hundreds of times. 

The work is the same -- the decision different.

I'd say it's worth it.

JOY

Miscellany Monday

Phew....what a busy weekend.

Wedding.

Birthday Party

Cleaning.  Massive Cleaning.

Baptism

Confirmation

Party

Gardening.
Re-cleaning (is that a word?)

Thank goodness it's Monday!

And with it being Monday comes another totally random edition of 

Miscellany Monday.

1. Chloe was confirmed yesterday.  My mother purchased 1/2 sheet cake.  I thought that it would be way too big.
I was wrong.  Terribly wrong.  Buttercream frosting paired with an exceptionally moist cake will not last in this home. 

start

10 minutes later

2) This is a picture of some of my favorite things. 

Iced coffee (it's close to 90 with high humidity)

Garden Trowel

Gloves

3) These are my irises. I used the above stuff to plant them.
(last year)
I love them. Love them.

4) Yesterday I put in a huge raspberry garden.  I'm talking over 30 plants.  Later that night I took a shower -- I was covered in mud.  Then with wet hair I went to bed.  This is what my hair looks like in the morning after sleeping with wet hair.  (This is not what it looks like after I straighten it.)

can we say curly?

crazy hair

I am not straightening it today - not with ultra high humidity.
The world will just have to deal with my
big hair.

 5) Samuel did not like me taking pictures of my hair.

enough pictures!!

5 seconds later

Thanks, Carissa, for putting together this meme.  As a random person -- this helps me get those thoughts out!

Link up -- be random!

Love the button? 
-- my Hannah designed it --
her momma's proud!

10 Cute Little Kittens

So much to do --

--and I'm not doing it.

Yet.

First, I needed to post these fabulous pictures from today.

Brennan was invited to a Cowboy Birthday Party.

I've decided I have a young Wyatt Earp in the making.

Brennan the Ranger

on his own

riding the range

trying a bigger horse --Dakota

riding the range - part 2

learning the rules

with his cowboy pal

The stash has lost it's stickiness.
The bandana is on the shelf.
The sheriff's badge is tucked away.
But the memories?
The sense of accomplishment?
The joy?
That's
Forever.

lessons from Samuel

There's a hidden beauty in waking before everyone else.  My home is strangely quiet.  In the midst of the calm there is an energy of anticipation -- what will the day bring? who will wake up first?  and how long will this moment of silence last?

Samuel is asleep in my arms.  His warm body spread out, his arms stretched over his head. Safe. He knows that I've got him. Even though the position he's in looks less than ideal for sleeping he's secure enough to sleep. It's beautiful.

Samuel & Chloe 10/09

Ever since writing about where my worth is rooted I've been convicted that, just like the song, I wander much too quickly.  I'm fickle, and skittish, and look for security in the shallow roots of this world.  I tell my children to trust, and then my heart trembles.

Then I look at Samuel.  When he's hungry -- he wants me. When he's happy -- he wants me. When he's tired -- he wants me.  When he's hurting -- he wants me.  In fact, he's content to simply be strapped to my back in a baby carrier.  He simply wants to be around and with me.

I want to be with my Savior.

I want to go through this life knowing that alone I am weak, yet with him I am strong.  I get it reversed.  I think I can do all this stuff and manage on my own strength, and then when I fail I realize how weak I am.  Then I seek Him.   There would be so much joy and freedom in following the lesson of Samuel -- of seeking Jesus first, living deeply rooted, and living with His strength in all circumstances.  Good or bad.  Samuel simply wants to be with me.  That's the lesson.

Oh, how I want to be with Jesus in all my days.

beautiful surprises and random thoughts

I was shopping at Target this morning and came across this on the clearance rack for $6.24.  I couldn't go wrong.  With Samuel being baptized this Sunday and Chloe being confirmed my little Elijah now has the perfect threads for a perfect day!

us pose Elijah?  nahhh...

love the tie

It was a full suit...pants, shirt, tie, and adorable clip on tie. Love it!!

____________________________

I've been meaning to post about this since, well,  Mother's Day.  Life has been a bit crazy and stressful in the weeks that followed, and so the post waited.  Till today. :)

Hannah surprised me on Mother's Day with an ultra-gorgeous purse.  And I mean amazing.  She traded a blog remake for a purse courtesy of our very own blogger, Lindsay.  I always look forward to Lindsay's comments as she is so genuine, sweet and real.  Imagine my surprise when the purse came from her! (And, yes, I did do a little happy dance.)  The sewing is impeccable, and the attention to detail divine.  She is one talented seamstress....and I am one blessed mama.

my lovely purse

I carry my Bible in it

look at the gorgeous flower!

____________________________

I couldn't believe my email when I heard that I had won the Seventh Generation Giveaway over at "Popp"ing Out One Letter at a Time.  I love their products, but more then that it's another reminder of how God sees all our needs.  In a week of challenges the neatest gifts have shown up.  It's amazing! The budget is super tight, and now I'm blessed with an abundance of cleaning products.  Yippee!!

___________________________

Finally, I'm thinking about starting a meme type thread based off of my post titled The Family Agenda.  I was so encouraged by the emails and comments that day about how you, my lovely friends, made your own family agenda.  I was thinking of having it on Thursdays.  Anybody interested?  I'd do a link up, and we can all take just a few minutes of our times thinking about how we are going to bless our family that day.  Hannah is already itching to make a button for this. :)  Let me know...I'd love company if I put that link up...you know?

___________________________

We're off to a wedding tonight.  This is the first time that I have ever left Samuel.  I have a really, really, really hard time leaving him.  He's going to my parents....I know he'll be fine for those 3-4 hours.

Right?

how can I leave that cute face?

Have a blessed Friday!!

where is your worth rooted?

My grass is turning green.  A deep, luscious green.  From a distance one might think that my lawn is problem free.  Up close?  The problems would become visible.  A stray dandelion here, matted grass with thatch there, and sparsely spread out blades of grass.  And then if you cut out a piece, dug down to see the roots?  You'd see that despite the deep green the roots are shallow, struggling to grow deep. The green?  Due to a massive shot of high nitrogen fertilizer...when what the grass really needs goes beyond superficial chemicals.

another grass shot

From the outside (especially with this snazzy new haircut) it might appear that I've got it all together.  That I'm calm, organized, and always full of hope.  Yet, the closer you look the more you'd be able to see my insecurities.  Ahh...there's worry there.  Or fear.  And if you were able to cut a piece out and really look deep some hard truths might come out.  Like:

Where do I get my sense of worth?

Is it from me?  If so, then I fail.  Is it from others? Fail. Is it from money? Again, if so, I fail.  I've been discovering how easy it is for me to wander from having my roots embedded in Christ.  Do I really have faith that He is bigger than any situation?  Is he really real to me? Is God just as real as the coffee mug sitting in front of me? Truly?  Do I see and believe in His truth as much as I do that I can pick up the cup and sip coffee? Is He concrete in my mind?

looking deep

In my prayers and thoughts it has become a releasing of earthly ideals and a process of faith of believing God's truths. The more that I let go of, the freer I become.  And truly, once I give up on what the world declares as worthy then the roots of faith can begin to grow deep. Strong.  Then the "greenness" of my life is no longer something that is desperately worked at...think of how you can make grass green with a shock of fertilizer...and yet the roots stay shallow....but the green, the fruit of my life is from having my roots deep in Him.  That's where real worth comes from.  Now, to just get my brain to remember that truth.  It's that journey of faith.  Those moment by moment, day by day choices of choosing to live by faith, and not by self.

I'm going to end this post with a verse from a favorite hymn of mine...Oh, friends,  how I want to stop wandering....

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above

I pray these words bless you, and that your faith can grow deep roots in the love of God. The things of this world are hollow, but he is truth...and in Him is life.

Blessings on your Thursday!

just one more picture - how could I resist that cutie?

_______________________________

On a side note, thank you Lynnette at Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground for featuring my this week! I opened my email yesterday and I was getting all these sweet comments, many of which were saying "congrats on being featured!" Well, I jumped out of bed (sigh...busted again...I check my email on my phone in bed before I "officially get up")and ran downstairs to check my blog. At the very same second, Hannah came running up (she had been waiting for me to get up. She gets up around 6am so she can work on her graphic design stuff) and starts grinning madly. Anyways, long story, I was featured.

 Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lynnette. It was really sweet of you to think of me like that. I am grateful.!

And if you haven't visited Lynnette's blog...which I cannot imagine as she has a huge following...check her out. She's worth reading. She's a life giver, and her words give hope.

______________________

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God sees...He sees!

Utter exhaustion
Sun on our faces
Laughter around.

Dirty, grass stained feet
Tired little hands
Nodding fast asleep.

Today our local homeschool association held an outdoor extravaganza.  It was glorious fun.  Our older youth, called LEAD, led and organized the entire event--shoe kicks, 50yd dash, baseball throw, and the finale...an amazing race throughout the park.

I sat on the side and watched.  The sun beat down, my little ones played, and I ate warm, mushy peanut butter sandwiches.  My kids were free to run, to explore, to live.  And, for a moment, I forgot the trials and pains of the world.  My friends were there...we were free. 

hanging on

It's so easy to hang onto those burdens.  Somehow in my mind I fear that if I let go of it, even for a moment, that it will get worse-or lost.  Yet, we're not to continuously carry these loads.  As many of you wrote to me, the Lord knows.  He knew my day today.  He knows my tomorrow.  He knows.  Why in the world do I insist on carrying a load that is meant to be left at His feet?  When worry and fear overtake joy then I am falling prey to the upside-down reality that this world presents.  When I allow the peace that can only come from the Lord to flood my heart and spirit than I am living rightly-ordered with Him.

freedom

So, today, for several hours, I felt free.  I didn't think of the fiscal challenges...I thought of my kids.  I didn't think of how I felt behind...I laughed with my friends.  And God met me in the neatest way.  You see, I have not had a haircut and color in almost 18 months.  (I know, I know, I know.)   I constantly give to my children...if they need then I go without.  Anyways, I finally scheduled a haircut and color last Friday. Before my post on Saturday.  And I told my friends.  After all, I was sooooo excited.  (Really.  I need a trim.)  Today, I told my good friend, Amy, that I wasn't going to get my cut after all.  And, I was okay with it.  Well, later, she calls me and tells me that all weekend she couldn't get me and my haircut out of her mind.  Everytime she prayed my name came up, and then my haircut.  So she kept praying asking the Lord what she was to do with regards to my cut.  Product? The cut?  What?  Then today she heard me talk about how I needed to keep the budget safe. Then she knew....so she calls into my salon (can I really have one even when I only go every couple of years?) and pays for my cut.  And tells me it wasn't her.  It was God.  And that --

He sees my every need.  He sees me.

This entire weekend I had been complaining that I felt lost, as if God didn't see me.  I'd cry and ask how He could let this happen, and worry that I wasn't important.  And that little haircut had me in a tizzy.  So Todd, my dear husband, puts that on his prayer list.  With all the other huge things he needs to take care of, he adds my silly haircut to the top.  Friends, the Lord knocked my socks off today.  He sees me.  He cares.  And that blows my mind.

Look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?
Matthew 6:26