sitting in the waves

It's so humid here that the screen of my netbook is fogging up while I'm trying to write.

I've never experienced a vacation that has challenged me more than this trip to South Carolina. On the first night, as I sat in the water and felt the power of the waves as the washed over me I sat there in awe of the Lord. I realized how many things in my life that I cling to -- I want control of -- and that I don't want to let go of - that really needed to be left at His feet.

As the waves cycled I could feel my heart, and all those places of anger and fear and worry and stress, begin to let go. It was impossible to not be and not begin to feel free.

Then Samuel got sick.

My worst fear, really. Before we left I prayed and prayed and prayed for my children. I remember remarking  that I couldn't handle it if Samuel got sick. And then he did. And I grew. I grew in my trust of my husband, and in allowing someone else, someone who I love deeply, take care of him. If I had been home I would have totally taken charge and done the doctor and been up at night. But I wasn't. Todd was there. And there were benefits to me letting go. Samuel knows daddy will be there for him. Todd feels more confident in tending to Samuel and his complex medical needs. I don't have to cling so tightly due to fear. I'm grateful for dear friends (that amazing Maria again) who drop everything to help Todd. For doctors who call me in South Carolina to tell me about Samuel and ask questions. Blessed.

And I learned to have trust. And faith.

It's strange to me how these days at the ocean have opened my eyes to the real important. My family. Relationships. Not stuff. Not things. Not schedules. Trust. So as I sit here on the balcony with my fogged up computer screen and the beating sun and the sound of the ocean in the background and the waves pressing inward I am grateful. Very grateful.

thank you and an update

First,  thank you -- thank you -- thank you, for your prayers for Samuel.

Todd ended up taking him to urgent care tonight and we found out that he has strep. I am so relieved that it is just strep and that Todd can manage it. Todd said one of the scariest moments was when the urgent care doctor asked him if he thought that Samuel's situation was related at all to Celiac Disease. If it was any bit possible that it was due to Celiac Disease, then Samuel was to go immediately  to the emergency room.  It's strange to have a little one whose medical history makes doctors so incredibly high on alert.

Todd's got his antibiotics, he's given him a dose (and some yogurt), and now he's resting. I miss that little man so much. So so so much.

Anyways, I am grateful for your prayers. And I want to thank you for responding in the way you did and for letting me use my blog to ask for your prayers. Thank you deeply.

Blessings to you all.

Rachel

please pray for Samuel

Todd let me know yesterday that Samuel is sick. He's running a fever and is lethargic.

And I'm not home. And I hate not being there. My momma's heart is absolutely breaking right now. So so so bad.

If Samuel's not better by the morning Todd will be taking him in to see our doctor. Which, due to his complex medical history, will involve quite a bit of testing and thoroughness -- and Samuel, rightfully so, is a bit afraid of doctors at this point.

Please keep him in your prayers. And please pray for wisdom and discernment for this momma.

Sigh.

This is hard.

lessons from starstuck

On Friday, June 24th, it will be a year since Samuel {yes, Samuel} was admitted to Children's Hospital to have an emergency endoscopy to have a sequin star removed. It seems so long ago -- so long -- especially with all the health crises that developed following that June.

I went back and read my post StarStuck and was brought to my knees. I forgot how close everything was for little Samuel way back then. And I saw and was reminded at just how strong Samuel already was -- almost as if he knew back then that he would need to be tough for the year to come.

{little Samuel last June}

And, I saw how we was already displaying symptoms of Celiac Disease last June. To think that it took until January for him to get diagnosed. So long. So so so long. I wish he didn't have to deal with it that long. That part hurts my momma's heart.

I remember walking into the local hospital {before we were transferred to Childrens} and telling the nurse that either Samuel swallowed something or he has something seriously wrong with his bowels.  That would have been the undiagnosed Celiac Disease.  That night, he had swallowed something. And that night, he also had Celiac Disease. But, I didn't know.

{Samuel in January}

What I do know? That the day of June 24, 2010 taught me and prepared me for January 17, 2011 when I walked back into the same Children's Hospital Emergency Room and into the EXACT room where I sat months prior. It prepped me. I knew what to expect, where to go, to advocate for Samuel, what to expect from an endoscopy and not to take life for granted.

These are some of my words from back then -- about a mother's intuition and trusting one self. I was getting prepared and stronger without even knowing why. I wrote:

The doctors and nurses were amazed that I  knew to bring him in.  They kept talking about mother's intuition and how they take it seriously when a parent come in as insistent as I did.  They told me that he really didn't have time to wait for me to just watch.  He was in right when he needed to be.

{Samuel this summer}

Samuel has been gifted with life so many times.

I am so grateful for that little man of mine. So grateful.

And I'm grateful that the Lord gave us mother's intuition and a fighting spirit.

So on this day, almost one year after, I give glory and thanks to the Lord. Once again, I will sing

Thank you for Samuel. Thank you.

To read Samuel's StarStuck story please click here.
To read about our journey with Celiac Disease please click here.

little did i know....

....how truly thankful I would be for that bag of $1.99 freezie popsicles that I mentioned yesterday in my {friday} favorites post. 

Or how much I'd miss that highchair that I wrote about on Wednesday in my big boy post.

Why? Yesterday morning, as my family was eating breakfast {which of course would be their favorite pbjs and Samuel's gluten free bread pbj} Samuel decided to lean in off of the chair that he was standing on {which he knows he's not to do} and when he took a step forward there wasn't a chair. It was air.

And he fell.

{that's him standing there again an hour later -- sigh}

As soon as I picked him up I knew he got hurt -- I could see the blood everywhere on the white pajama shirt with his favorite dump truck -- but I didn't know how bad. As Caleb ran upstairs crying, and sobbing that he didn't want Samuel to go back to the hospital {the whole Celiac experience really scared him about hospitals and brothers that get sick} Todd came running down with a wet washcloth.  I tried ice. He just wouldn't keep anything in that mouth to stop the bleeding.

Then Todd remembered our popsicle trick.  He pulled out a freezie, snipped the top, and handed over the tube of gluten-free, but super sugary, cold goodness to Samuel. As he sucked on that drippy mess the bleeding slowly {and I mean slowly} began to subside.

I saw that his top teeth met the bottom lip and proceeded to gouge out a big chunk.

Sigh.  After a quick call to my mother and a plea on twitter {thank you twitter friends} asking if bottom lips get stitched and another popsicle {this time orange} Samuel was ready to get off of my lap and go on with his day.

I am really truly completely all-the-way thankful for those popsicles.

And now I remember why we keep one {or two} hidden in the back of the freezer.

So now that you've heard my newest Samuel tale {how much drama can one little one have in his 21 months?} go to your local store and invest in those plastic wrapped freezies.  Eat a few. And save the rest -- make sure to hide them -- in the back of the freezer.  You just never know when you'll need one and how grateful you'll be that it's tucked away back there.

Oh, Samuel, oh my. I love you like crazy.

any been there done that tips like my popsicle one? please do share.
and the lip? this morning? considerably better.

I have this big boy....

...{named Samuel} who doesn't want to sit in his high chair anymore. The fabulous wood highchair that I found at a garage sale last spring for only $25.  The chair that's perfect in our kitchen. Well, was perfect in our kitchen.

Now, it just sits vacant in the corner .

Samuel has decided he's now big. And in being big he wants to sit at the bench and eat with the big boys. He calls them all bwo-thers.

{yes, sometimes we use paper plates...}

I kind of wish he didn't want to grow up so fast. But, he watches them and wants to be just like them. That highchair? According to him it has no place in our kitchen anymore.

So he sits at the table where his oldest brother, Brennan, loves to take care of him. He lets Samuel know just how proud he is of him -- and won't let those stained hands touch his cool Star Wars shirt.

So now we let him sit on the bench.

He's still my baby. :) Even though he's a big boy.

With a very-very-very messy face.

Curious about dinner?  It was barbequed chicken on the grill, quartered baby-red potatoes tossed with olive oil, dill and garlic and then roasted, and grilled roma tomatoes dusted with parmesan cheese.  

the boys

As the summer days increase their hourly stretch of sunlight my older boys can be found spending most of their days outside. Playing. And imagining.

Here are some of my top ten you might have boys around tips.

1} Never approach a bush, or pine tree, or tree without first assuming there might be a little boy hiding inside. And even if you see that flash of blue always be surprised when discovering him. Congratulate him on his stealth ability.

2} Elaborate forts can be made simply by carving away a niche in those pine trees, placing down some wood, and finding an old painters tarp. All together? Equals the idea of a boy's Better Homes and Garden paradise.

3} Little boys {especially ones who play in hideouts most of the afternoon} are rarely clean. Always invest in a good stain remover. My favorite? Zout.  And learn from me -- khaki shorts + dirt = hard to clean. So also invest in numerous pairs of khaki shorts at local garage sales for fifty cents each.  Then call them play clothes and don't worry about the stains. :)

4} Make sure to also check large maple trees for climbing boys. And don't cut all the branches off that are close to the ground. Yes, it may look better, but for the sake of those climbing little ones they need a starting branch. Plus, when they're grown you'll look back and be grateful for those lower branches that you left for them.

5} Just in case those khaki shorts from tip number three looked too good I thought I'd share the front view as well. Note that the bottom of the shorts makes an excellent napkin replacement. So while you invest in Zout your napkin budget {in the summer} will drastically decline.

6} Sometimes you can catch them looking angelic. Have your camera ready and snap away. When you ask them what they were thinking the answer will probably be -- how do I make a better roof for the fort or I wonder what would happen if I hang from that branch or can I have a snack 'cause I'm starved.

7} They prefer to go barefoot. Don't bother buying fancy shoes. And don't buy light-up blinky shoes once they're past three. They will not wear them.

8} Even the littlest of boys will like to play with sticks.

9} The littlest of boys will always want to play with the bigger boys. Great big brothers {like Samuel has} will include their little brother. Even though his idea of fun might not match up with their idea of fun. Remind those older boys that naptime {or bedtime} is around the corner.

10} And last, but not least, little boys {under two} are not ashamed to stop and smell the flowers. Or else pick it. So purchase marigolds -- they're hardy and cheap.

Have a wonderful Monday!  I'm off to wash those above khaki shorts, prepare numerous pbjs, round up the nerf guns, and play with those fabulous boys of mine. Make sure to pop over to my friend Carissa's blog for more lovely monday miscellany.

Any you might have a boy lessons that you've learned?

switching perspective

Samuel is starting to realize that there are foods that he cannot eat.

And he does not like it. Not one bit.

In fact, it makes him quite irritated. Mad. Annoyed. Sad.

And I don't like that. He's too little for me to reason with -- even though I try. I'll tell him how gluten hurts his tummy and makes him sick -- but sometimes he just gets frustrated.  And I get frustrated for him. How do you really explain Celiac Disease to a 21 month old?

So we try to eat gluten free as a family. But, that is expensive. Very, very expensive. And now, Samuel finds the gluten food and decides he should have some. So I tell him no. And he cries.

And that really hurts.

Then I remind myself that it could be worse. That there are still lots of foods that he can eat. That he's alive and healthy {as long as he doesn't eat gluten}. That I need to be grateful. Really, really, really grateful.

So I look at those eyes and in learning to be grateful for the things Samuel can have and can do it reminds me to be grateful for so many other facets of things in my life. Maybe I don't have the family room furniture that I desire -- but I have a family room. Maybe we don't get to go on all the fancy vacations -- but the yearly trip to the lake is our favorite. Maybe my house isn't always clean and spotless -- but it is full of adventure and love and laughter.

Sometimes it just takes switching perspective.

And looking at the good things in the midst of the hard things.

And letting the good win.

Off to find those gluten free cookies for Samuel....

the very sweet things

In the midst of the weekend, and a birthday celebration, and ballet rehearsal I noticed some very sweet things. They're the moments of joy shown to me by the ones I love. Little things, perhaps, and yet the most beautiful.

1} In the summer one of our traditions is to have strawberry shortcake for dinner. Just that. Nothing else. Every year as the kick off to summer I'll make shortcake -- with heaps of strawberries {and sometimes raspberries and blackberries} piled high with hand whipped cream. Hannah published a beautiful photo journal of our kick-off to summer shortcake *here* including this most yummy looking photo. Of course, this was a very sweet thing.

2} This year I had to make gluten free shortcake. I used the gluten free Bisquick recipe {for convenience}, and it was good, but not amazing. I'm going to be searching for a more "almost tastes like it has gluten in it" recipe. Ideas?

3} Samuel loved the strawberries. He'd stand in the kitchen, look up at me with those puppy-eyes, and say, "mo-oh" -- he kind of sounds like he's from Boston when he says it.  How could I say no?

4} My Chloe is so creative. She found this app for her ipod touch that lets you make old silent movies -- and then adds the piano music. All weekend she's been choreographing various movies. And finding props. Including this old table top {it used to have tiles in it} to use as a mock tv screen.  I'm going to have to beg her to let me show you one  -- I just love them.  :)

5} And speaking of Chloe -- I was using her ipod touch {which I'm known to do -- love the Scrabble App and Words with Friends} and hit the google search and saw a gluten free search still up. That she did. For me. For something she was going to make as a surprise.  How sweet is that?

6} I was trying out Hannah's new lens on Friday and Elijah told me he wanted to be "part of da pitch-ure, momma."  Remember -- he's three. For his "photo shoot" he decided to run from the fence, hang from the swing, and to just sit and stare.  Too cute. And sweet.

7} And of course, I should end the post with a picture of my birthday girl on her birthday. I absolutely love this picture of Hannah and Samuel -- my oldest and youngest. The bond between my children is priceless.

Have your own miscellany?  link up with my dear friend Carissa and do share.



Hope your Monday is fabulous! And speaking of fabulous -- remember -- I'm looking for some gluten-free fabulous and sweet shortcake ideas. And remember to enter my give-away {thanks to blogher and gatorade} for the $100 giftcard to Dick's Sporting Goods. {The giveaway button is on my sidebar.} I want one of you to win it! :)

~rachel

love

Hannah got a new lens {50mm 1.8} for her birthday. Which, of course, equaled mandatory "let's try out the lens" photo shoots for the afternoon. A glorious, mid-birthday celebrating afternoon -- with the hazy June sun, and the humidity, and vivid green grass. With grandparents celebrating, and kiddos running around throwing water balloons, where time seemed to stand still. Just for a moment.

And in all of that she captured this rejoicing sort of moment between Samuel and myself.

Love. Love. Love.

Any plans for your weekend? My day will be full of mandatory ballet rehearsals, and make-up application, and quick sewing, and photography. Busy, and yet lovely.

~rachel

a birthday {friday} favorites

time keeps on slippin'

slippin'

slippin'

<br /> <br /> <a href="http://justsomebeautiful.blogspot.com/search/label/friday%20favorite%20things"><img vspace="none" hspace="none" alt="friday favorite things | finding joy" src="http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/tt255/ElvishAuthoress/fridayfavoritethings.png" /></a>

into the future...
{where does it go? it's too fast}

to start my list today I must begin by stating

Happy Birthday to my Hannah

{who blogs over at Aspire}

many many years ago she was teeny

{like in this sweet real film photo} 

{baby hanni}

and then as time slipped on she grew

and grew

{9 years}

{so make sure to hug those little ones as they do grow}

until now, 15 years later, this is her

{with her grandpa}

love you Hannah 

 you're a fave.

Birthdays are a favorite

even though the joke is that she's now halfway to 30

{which, by the way, is not old}

silly web cam photos of us are another favorite

 like these on the night before her birthday 

 during our 10:49 game of Blokus

 while I wrote these favorites

 {it's my turn, I'm green}

writing and playing means getting blocked

 

oh well, it was worth the laughs. :)
{these are linked with momma in focus}

web cam + family game+birthday eve = favorite

more favorites?

besides my growing marigolds?

how about this?

Samuel's biopsy report came back clear

his small intestine has healed

and his protein levels are higher

and he's absorbing nutrients

and vitamins

and fats.

He was "officially" diagnosed with 

Celiac Disease

even though it's hard

it's an answer to prayers to know

as he'd been sick for months and months and months

and now look at him

thank you Jesus
thank you.

If you'd like to link your own {friday} favorite grab the button at the top of your post, write away {or choose one of your favorite posts or pictures of the week} and then enter your link. Be sure to try to comment on those around you. Comments are always a fave!

Blessings on your Friday!