"Hear my prayer Lord, listen to my cry for help."
4 weeks ago I was on the phone with my dear friend Amy.
We were talking about Sam.
My sweet Samuel.
She kept telling me that something wasn't right.
I was trying hard to agree
but I was nervous.
I had seen him fading.
Getting weaker and falling.
Paler and paler.
I tried to explain it away.
(But that was just fear.)
Deep down I knew something was wrong as well.
I just needed to hear it
from someone other than me.
From my angel friend, Amy.
(Amy you saved my Sam - thank you)
I knew in my heart he was sick.
She asked to call her father-in-law
a pediatrician.
I told her okay.
Hung up the phone.
And waited.
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you."
My heart raced.
Palms sweaty.
Then she calls back.
"Rach....Rach...Rach"
(I could hear the sorrow in her voice.)
"something is not right with Sam."
I scratched words on my paper
hearts and doodles
smeared with dropping tears.
Her father-in-law, the pediatrician, knew.
He referred us to Samuel's new pediatrician.
Amy immediately calls her.
She tells her that Samuel needs to go
not to the clinic
but to the Children's Hospital.
"When?" I ask.
(my heart now pounding in fear.)
Then I hear, "within the next 24 hours."
4 weeks ago.
That was what I was hearing right now.
4 weeks.
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."
Would I have known how hard I had to fight?
How I would deal with nurses who believed?
And doctors who doubted?
Would I have known the tests?
The tears I fought back as I smiled and prayed and
looked into his tired face?
Would I have known I would hold him as they put him to sleep?
Feeling his worn body press deep into mine?
(Would I have known the tears that could fall?)
Would I have know how brave Samuel was?
Or how completely exhausted and worn his body was?
(Why did it take so long for them to listen?)
Did I know the strength I would have?
To stay up night after night?
With no sleep?
It wasn't from me.
It was from the Lord.
"I can do all things through him who gives me strength."
And now, here I sit, 4 weeks later.
Still in the journey.
Still praying for healing.
But, it's different now.
Those beginning moments of fear
Of walking into an ER and praying they'd listen.
That's gone.
Now, I fight a new battle.
A battle for strength and growth for Samuel.
Of praying for nutrients to absorb.
It's a battle trying to figure out the whys.
What made him get so sick? What triggered Celiac Disease?
Medically why?
It's a battle against my own fear.
Trusting.
Letting go and believing.
Every day I wake up and wonder
if Samuel will be healthy.
I don't take the morning for granted.
"His mercies are new every morning."
I am not alone.
I have my family.
My friends.
I have prayers from you
(and I am so grateful)
and many others.
As the time ticks by
and I see him play
my heart relaxes, joyful for health.
Who would have known what
4 weeks would bring?
4 weeks.
"He is mighty to save."
