living in the trenches - part two

I thought I had written enough about the trenches.  I had convinced myself that I could survive the trench -- I'd just keep my attitude up and keep smiling. That worked. For a bit. Well, until today.

Today I realized how incredibly completely totally behind I am.  In everything.

Laundry.

Homeschooling.

Cleaning.

Mail.

Planning.

Shopping.

Everything.

And I can't seem to get myself motivated to start chipping away at those behind categories in my life. I look at them and feel immediate overwhelm.  The task is too big or I feel too far behind that I'll never get on top of it. Take homeschooling -- I look at the schedule and I know that next week I'll miss 2days due to Samuel's doctors appointments.  Then I begin to feel discouraged about getting further behind. Then I start lamenting outloud to the kids about how behind we are.  Then, guess what, our home gets stressed out feeling.

How in the world do I balance all of this?

{I need to be like Samuel}

I've come to realize that I am not going to get that year where every box gets checked. Reality check -- I've never had a year like that. I'm just going to have to do the best I can and not be so hard on myself. That to-do list? It doesn't define me. I'm not failing simply because we're several weeks behind. (Maybe it's a bit more than several.) And I'm admitting that here.  So often I think I walk around afraid to let anyone know that my life isn't all neatly tied together -- I try to stuff all the messiness and overwhelm down and then become exhausted trying to keep all the plates balanced.

Life is hard work.

These times where we as a family have to hunker down in trenches remind me of how I need to be aware to grab moments -- of learning or laundry or laughter. Did learning take place? Absolutely. It might not look like the learning that I had planned back in September, and that's okay.  It's okay.

We are living right now.  Day to day.

Some days are like days a month ago. Some days are crazy. Some days are sad. Some days have challenges. But, we're still living. Embracing this season.

And that's okay.

I'm telling myself it again -- it's okay.

This season? It was known.

I'll make it though.

It's okay.

"For I know the plans I have for you,"

 declares the Lord,

 "plans to prosper you and not harm you,

 plans to give you hope and a future." 

Jeremiah 29:11