Lately I've been waking in the middle of the night filled with anxiety and worry. My body is tired, yet my brain is alert and racing through thoughts. The last couple of nights I've even woke Todd -- only to have him calmly say,
Have you prayed about this?
Have you given it over to Jesus?
Can you let it go?
Let it go? How in the world does one let go of something that wakes them from slumber? Yet, deep down, I know that I am desperately clinging onto my worry. Somehow I've equated a good worry with getting God's attention -- see God? It's really bothering me so please notice -- those were my thoughts. So I wake up. And fret.
And sin.
You see, when I allowed my brain to cycle through worry I wasn't living in faith. I was living in the ideas and emotions of this world. God goes beyond emotions. The world tells me to fear. Or that I'm a failure. Or that it will never work out. And that creates anxiety. And worry. Yet, the Lord, in His Word, says,
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.... (Matthew 6:25a)
The Scripture doesn't say that it's okay to worry 15 minutes and let it go. Or if you worry enough then the Lord will see that you need help. No. It simply says do not worry. So when I wake up and cling to my worry then I am not being obedient to Him, my gracious God. My God who goes way beyond the worldly emotion that so often dictates my attitude and mood. He is solid, unchanging, truth.
But it's hard. It's challenging when all that we currently know is of this world. I would tell my husband that there was no way I could stop worrying---what if things fell apart? Yet, he calmly and confidently told me to give it to Jesus.
So I did.
And the next thing I knew it was 5:30 am and sweet Samuel was softly crying in his crib waiting to nurse.
And Jesus said, Peace be with you. (John 20:20)
