...the momma's back.
Well, not really, but almost. (and between us...this post almost threw me over the edge...I went to hit publish and literally the entire thing vanished. So this is round 2. I am determined.)
You know those days? Those days when you need a blogger to be real and transparent about how life isn't perfect? Well, I had one of those days. It was a day where I wanted to pull every single hair off of my head...by noon. It was a day where the littlest thing seemed to push me over the edge.
You see we give our kids off the day for their birthday. It's kind of a way to honor them. It's relaxing, they can play, laugh, and enjoy each other's company. Yet, it has it's drawbacks. The normal routine is out the window, and typically by the end of the day our moods are, well, shall we say fraying a bit? Except that this day...it happened much earlier.
This wouldn't be so bad, except that yesterday, when I was in the need to get the lawn together mood...see my husband's comment "we're growing kids...not grass."...I decided it was time for the season's first application of weed and feed fertilizer. That's great! Green grass! No weeds!
No kids on the grass. On the day off. With limited structure. Ouch.Apparently yesterday I didn't equate the consequences of having a birthday day off and not allowing my young, active, and loveable boys access to our yard. Our greening yard, I might add. ;)
our yard...someday
So the day progressively got a bit more tense. Chaos was beginning to take over, along with the words, "it's not fair," being shouted from various corners of my residence. I tried to read. Fail. I tried to play a game with them. Fail. I tried projects. Fail. Putting them down for a nap. Fail. I needed to get my mood back on track. Ok. Organizing and getting rid of a laundry basket of toys. Fail. The fighting continued. The grumbling. The sneaking of food. Spilling of raisin bran over the kitchen floor that had already been swept six times today. I was going a bit crazy.
So I pack them up to take Gracie to ballet. (Grace's little bun was so quickly put together, with little hairs poking out...mirroring my day.) Now, while we may cut back on our home birthday day obligations, I do keep all outside commitments. So we started on our way. And, I am not joking, within a block of my home massive LOUD yelling began in the Suburban. Screaming. Crying. Pleading. Over what?
A bobby pin.
My husband heard the noise via my cell phone and told me to pull over and stop until it stopped. So I did. I drove that suburban right into the Dairy Queen parking lot. And we sat there. The poor patrons must have had quite a sight when they saw that Suburban full of kids with yelling pouring from the creases. Then Grace looked at the clock, saw that it was 5:37, realized that she would be late and got quiet. I asked them if they were done and they both replied, "yes." Then I asked them why they were fighting over a bobby pin and Brennan (my six year old) replied
Well, Grace said she needed it for her hair, and I needed it as a tiny sword.
Sigh. All that noise and tension for a 4 cents metal object?
OK. Truth. I pulled out of the Dairy Queen parking lot and continued to ballet. I thought. I calmed down. And I prayed. And I began to gain a bit of perspective. You see...I had been doing the entire day on my own strength. It was just me. It was me who decorated, who wrapped the presents, who cooked, who cleaned, who did yard work, who called the doctor, etc... and I was getting a little bit resentful. Well, it became all about ME. Me, me, me. And that, quite obviously, just does NOT work. At all. It became a day of relying on my own strength. And trust me, with my allergies, and a six month-old baby there isn't much extra energy tucked in there.
Grace (center) at ballet
I never stopped to listen. To pray. To give my day to the Lord. I just plowed right into it thinking I could do it. And I couldn't. I wanted to throw in the towel at lunch time. And when you're a mom you really can't throw in the towel. So I became frustrated. And crabby. And looking for solutions to soothe my grumbling self. It wasn't until I surrendered that I began to see the truth. The truth that I needed to stop focusing on me, and focus on HIM. Only then did I begin to see and feel the joy again.
We picked up some pizza for Grace and a little cake while she was at dance. I kept the kids with me in the truck and the littles fell asleep. Brennan listened to some Greek Mythology cds with Chloe. And I rested. Later, when Grace was home I took her sweet face in my hands and told her how blessed I am to be her mom, and how much she means to me, and how honored I am to walk this road of life with her. Then we ate pizza, and played her new game. We laughed. I even took Elijah out of his bed so that he could eat birthday cake with us when Dad got home. And you know what? It was good. It was really good. When I try to carry the loads of life - mom, wife, bills, house, yard, school, errands,etc...- all by myself I'll fail. When I live with Jesus by my side, with Him giving me strength...then I win. Bobby pin or not.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12b-13
