see this sweet guy?

He's Caleb.

And he's independent.

And this morning -- I almost forgot to see the good, the strong, the independence.

Instead I saw what I thought was wrong.

We were in those last minutes before church. You know those minutes -- crazy times -- running around looking for that lone lost shoe, and rushing kids up to the bathroom {even though they'll ask to leave during the sermon}, and quick bites to eat.  Caleb was hungry so he decided to get himself a bowl of cereal. With sugar.

All I saw was spilled sugar.

I almost blurted out some annoyed words about the trail of sugar between the cereal bowl and the sugar bowl. But, for some reason I saw that face and had a moment of pause.

I was only seeing what I deemed a mistake, not the independence. The good. The growing up.

Why was that 1/4 teaspoon of sugar all I saw? Why did that become the important?

For that split second when I realized the truth my heart stung. I realized that instead of praising him I was so close to getting after him. He wasn't being careless -- he's five -- he was trying to help. Be independent.

So instead I told him great job, and that he's such a helper, and how proud of him I was.

Next thing I know, without me even asking or mentioning it, he went and got a paper towel and cleaned up the sugar {and yes, most of it's on the floor}. He sat down, looked at me, and smiled. A proud "I did it" type of smile.

Thank goodness that we as mothers get those moments of clarity.

I just need it more often.

****

When have you had that moment of sweet clarity?

get out the steel wool -- it's 59 degrees

{photo - hannah nicole}

That's what we woke up to this morning.  Inside our home.  Outside? It was a balmy -6degrees making the 59 feel like a faux heatwave. Yet, judging from the little ones wrapped in blankets and wandering around complaining about the cold, you'd know we weren't very comfortable.

The furnace wasn't working. 

And we were cold.

Immediately I began praying.  We didn't have the budget room to fix the furnace -- life was complicated and busy -- and we were cold.

57 degrees.

It was dropping.  The windows were starting to get ice on them.  I ran into the garage and found a space heater from my hubby's days in construction.  My little blanket wrapped babes gathered around the heater as if it were a glorious roaring fire from days long past.

We worked quickly downstairs in our utility room. Phone calls made. More prayers. More distracting myself trying to get all those loads of laundry folded in case a repair man came -- even though I was praying so hard that one wouldn't come. Socks, and t-shirts, jeans, and sweaters. The piles became higher as my worry tried to creep in.

55 degrees.

Now it almost seemed imminent - a repair man would need to be called. We called a friend -- who owned a hvac company -- and he told us to clean a sensor.  Fear crept in as I saw the bolts being unscrewed. Panel after panel coming down each with bold warnings about not messing around with the furnace. I heard the electric screwdriver whizzing and felt my heart racing.

I needed faith.  I needed to trust that my husband would be safe. Out came the steel wool.  Scrub, scrape, scrub.  More prayers. And we'd wait. Again. And again. We'd start it up, and hear it stop. More scrubbing and scraping.  More prayers from me as the piles of folded laundry grew higher.

Then we heard it. The furnace kicked in. And stayed on.

62 degrees.

The temp was going up. The little ones huddled around the once-intriguing and warming space heater gradually dispersed throughout the home. Life began to regain its normal rhythm.

I had forgotten to be grateful for heat.

It wasn't till it was gone that I realized just how thankful I am for that two inch sensor plate in our furnace.  It didn't look that dirty -- it just looked like a layer of white dust was resting on it. Yet, it took minutes and minutes of firm scrubbing and scraping to remove the film that triggered our furnace to shut off.

Isn't that like life? We get so wrapped up in our agendas and start operating out of ourselves that we forget to clean our sensor plates -- instead of resting and relying on God.  It becomes this time of self - until we burn out. And then we remember.

68 degrees.

The sun is pouring in -- the house is warm.  The boys are running around without shirts pretending to be on an expedition.  The windows are clear, and the laundry that was folded out of desperation is all put away.  But, I don't forget. It could be so different now - we could have had to pay hundreds of dollars. Our house could still be cold. In the end we just needed to take care of that sensor.

Just like my heart.

Thanks, Lord, for reminding me to look at my heart and pulling out the steel wool -- the truth in you -- to clean and scrape it and remove the grime so that it could be buffed clean of earthly lies and once again focused on you.

Warm.

i am going to give thanks. no matter what.

Samuel on Tuesday morning at Childrens

I could spend quite some time writing about my worries right now, and stresses, and fears.  I really could.  But, as I was driving from ballet to Trader Joes (again) the song - Here I am to Worship - came on the radio.  And I realized that even though I have that ginormous list of hard things that there are even more good and beautiful things in my life.  And that I was to worship in the midst of a storm.

With a heart that aches, I can still praise. Give thanks.

So here's my list of all the amazing things that I can praise and give thanks for this last week.  There was so much good interwoven with the hard -- beauty that needs to be shared.

::  Samuel.  Thank you for Samuel.

::  Amy. Thank you to my friend Amy for praying for Samuel. For sitting next to me. Listening.

::  Amy's father in law -- a pediatrician.  Thank you for caring, listening, and loving Sam.

::  Amy's pediatrician, who is now Samuel's pediatrician.  Thank you for telling me to go the hospital right away.

::  My nurses in the ER - Steph and Bonnie.  Thank you for believing and fighting for Samuel.

::  Dr. Rhodes - for listening to me, admitting Samuel, and truly caring.

::  Dr. Aru - the GI Doc.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

::  Thank you for labs. Blood work. Medicine. How I forget to thank for these things.

::  Thank you to the lab techs who analyzed Samuel's blood.

::  Thank you for all the toys donated to the 7th Floor Children's Hospital Toy Room

::  Thank you for the volunteers who clean those toys.

::  Thank you to the Surgery Nurses, the Anesthesia Team and the volunteers.

::  Thank you to the doctor who smiled at me as they put me in scrubs in the surgery center. I needed his encouraging look.

::  Thank you to the anesthesia nurse, Beth, for caring for Samuel. Thank you for your hug.

::  Thank you to the receptionist at the Surgery Center for playing Christian Music.  And for your smile and laughter in such a hard place.

::  Thank you for my friends. For the calls, and the emails, and the gifts.

::  Thank you for my tulips from my friend Lori.  They make me smile.

::  Thank you to my blogging friends.  Every SINGLE comment has meant the world to me.

::  Thank you even more for the PRAYERS. I am humbled.

::  Thank you to blogger for providing this platform.

::  Thank you for writing.

::  Thank you to the countless people who have emailed with advice and encouragement.

::  Thank you that the hospital served Starbucks coffee.

::  Thank you to my husband for encouraging me to go to the hospital.  For managing the home with sick children. For providing for me. For letting me cry.

::  Thank you to my other children -- Hannah, Chloe, Grace, Brennan, Caleb and Elijah for loving Samuel so much and for having patience as we transition our lives.

::  Thank you, Elijah, for guarding your wheat toast in the morning.  Thanks for building the barricade and sounding your own sweet alarm when Sammy got close.

::  Thank you for vehicles that started in -21 degree temperature.

::  Thank you for facebook.

::  Thank you for peace even in the midst of worry.

::  Thank you for Trader Joes. For the employees who listen and really help.  Who care.

::  Thank you for after hour care calls.

::  Thank you for the resources to buy new food, a new toaster, and new dishes for Samuel.

::  Thank you for all the manufacturers who make gluten free products.

::  Thank you for making gluten free food taste amazing.

::  Thank you to the Mayo Clinic lab techs who are right now examining Samuel's biopsy.

::  Thank you for the ability to cope even with little sleep.

::  Thank you for hope even when my heart is heavy.

::  Thank you for joy even when there is sadness.

:: Thank you for the happiness it brings to watch Samuel eat.

:: Thank you for Larabars, and marsala lentil dip, and veggie chips and blueberries.

:: Thank you for Celiac support groups.

::  Thank you for dvr.

:: Thank you for insurance.

:: Thank you for my amazing parents.  Supportive, caring and fighters.

:: Thank you, Jesus, for being my strength.  Even when I had none.

:: Thank you for Philippians 4:12-13.

:: Thank you for always being true Jesus.

:: Thank you for wanting the children to come to you.

:: Thank you for creating Samuel, for caring for him, and loving him.

:: Thank you, Jesus.  I am blessed.

Blessed be your name.

late night reminders

blurry

On December 24 I drove to Walmart at 12:05 am.  In the midst of a heavy snow-storm on unplowed roads. I made that late night trek because I had realized I was short a couple presents for my boys -- and since we celebrate Christmas with our kids on Christmas Eve morning that was the only solution that Todd and I could think of.  It was interesting -- as I was reminded to stop looking at my own life and take a moment to see someone elses.

Here's why.

~As I was driving in 4 inches of unplowed snow I came up to a minivan struggling to get up the back-country roads.  I had noticed that cars were getting frustrated at this vehicle and would race around it irritated.  I came up, slowed down, and followed this van for the next 5 miles.  When it needed room, I made room.  When cars passed I slowed down so this van would have space.  As I was driving, with only the headlights illuminating heavily falling snow, I knew I was to be patient. To serve in a way that seemed so simple.

When the van finally turned right where I needed to go straight the driver waved, with a gloved hand out the window, thanks. I wonder if that was why I needed to go out.

Who was that man? Why was he driving through the snow? I wondered.

~When I was at Walmart -- by this time it was 12:30 -- I noticed all these people wandering around, checking prices, shopping, and looking downcast.  Really.  It was this energy in the store.  I had never felt it before, and I began to think about the reasons why so many people filled the aisles on Christmas Eve morning.

When I went to pay, I pulled out change for the 2 Toy Story 3 puzzles, a couple of  Lego sets, and a checkers game.  As I was fumbling for 65cents a couple of guys behind me loudly stated -- maybe next time I should just come here and pay with a bag of pennies.  I ignored them.  My cashier looked mortified.  She mumbled an apology, and a -- merry Christmas -- and then sadly turned back to deal with those guys.

Who was she?  Why was she working in the middle of the night at Walmart?

I thought about her the entire time I drove home.  I thought about how I needed to be reminded to remember others in the midst of the holidays.  Here I was just hours before frustrated that I had to leave my warm home to buy a couple more presents to add to the already wrapped stash under our tree.  How quickly I was humbled -- how blessed I was to add extra gifts -- and just as quickly my frustration turned to thankfulness.

~So I said a prayer for that cashier.  And those impatient guys.  And the mom with the 3 kids wandering around at 12:47 am.  And the lone man in the green minivan with the bad tires.

It was a reminder to me that Christmas really isn't about all that stuff.  All that stuff that so quickly irritates us as we have to find new homes for it.  Christmas is about Jesus -- His birth.  And in remembering that it brings eyes to see others. My vision was blurry.  All I could see when I left my house was my own needs. I was selfish. I wish that I could always have my eyes open.  I wish that I could do more. Give more. Not just look at me.  When I arrived back home at 1:16 am  I could only be grateful as I wrapped those new Walmart gifts.

And remember those I met on my snowy trip to Walmart on Christmas Eve. 

clear
(thanks to my daughter, Hannah from Aspire, for both of these pictures)

some of my rules

:: write down what your children say

:: if you don't write it down, then at least facebook it

:: snow days must become family days

:: there is never too much hot chocolate - or coffee

:: date verses in your Bible that you underline

:: Christmas music must include the music from Charlie Brown's Christmas

:: when you have a toddler expect that the bottom of the tree will get rearranged

:: snow boots, gloves, hats, and scarfs have the uncanny ability to multiply exponentially

:: snow gloves also have the ability to lose their match in the multiplication process

:: never make cookies too early -- you'll have to make them again because you ate them all

:: always let your kids end the hug -- they last longer

:: get to know the names of your coffee baristas

:: sometimes you just need to be silly with your kids

:: take time to serve and help others

:: build snow forts with your kids

:: thank the Salvation Army bell ringers

:: become a bell ringer

:: always water your live Christmas tree but don't leave the watering container by the tree

:: write a note in the front of some books that you give your children

:: link up with  my cookie recipe exchange



:: it's okay to use Ball canning jars as your glasses

:: purchase your Christmas wrapping paper AFTER Christmas

:: let your kids use the empty wrapping paper tubes as swords

:: remember where you put the Christmas wrapping paper in January

:: make up stories for your children

:: save your calendars as journals of your life

:: do not grocery shop while hungry or when you are in a rush

:: remember to bring in the 24 pack of water bottles in the winter

:: if you don't -- don't drop them or they'll explode

:: tell your kids or your spouse that you love them

:: sometimes you need to count to ten. or twenty. or thirty

:: coffee helps

:: pray prayers of thanks 

:: try to rest and enjoy these days before Christmas

:: breathe

:: and rejoice.

****************

there is a time to be thankful

5 years

Five years ago I was sitting, right now, in the Methodist Hospital Surgery Prep Waiting room with my husband.
Five years ago I had no idea what the future would bring -- all I could hear were the words, "I am truly sorry, but your husband has cancer."
Five years ago left felt so finite. Choking. I couldn't see beyond the day.

Here I am five years later.
Look at the beauty and thanks that can be said for these five years.

I am thankful for:

remission
two cancer scares both turning out to be benign
two new amazing sons - Elijah and Samuel - who the doctors told us would never be
the most supportive and loving family ever - thank you to our parents - thank you
our beautiful family - Hannah, Chloe, Grace, Brennan, Caleb, Elijah and Samuel.  We are stronger now.
our church family
great friends
five vacations to the lake -- we are blessed
the ability to mourn, to speak about trials.
sunrises and sunsets
blogging friends
faithfulness
our home
excellent neighbors -- who are now friends
five Christmases
five birthdays
ballet opportunities for my girls (and, yes, they did great)
healing for my heart
laughter
blackberries
green grass in the summer and snow in the winter
dinners around the table
coffee
trips to Duluth
family game nights
much more than I could ever list.
a faithful and healthy husband.

God has blessed me in these five years -- I see it -- and I remember.

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens.

(Ecclesiastes 3)

such a sweet and smiley day

1) You know it's Christmas time when breakfast consists of the words, "just grab a couple cookies from the garage."  Why, garage?  Well-- we've got a deep freezer out there that works great as a storage table for keeping Christmas cookies cold.  Remember.  I live in Minnesota.  Land of lots of lakes. And snow. And, now, freezing temps.

a small sampling of my cookie tins. And Payday.

2) Speaking of snow -- we had our 3rd snowstorm within 4weeks.  Let me tell you -- this one was crazy.  Remember in the Little House Books -- The Long Winter -- where they had a rope between the barn and the house?  Now I know why.  There were certain points where I couldn't see my neighbor's house behind me because the wind was whipping the snow around like crazy.

3) So I stayed indoors and baked.

4) Always wear an apron when baking cookies.  I learned that lesson years ago.

yes, I'm using a tea bag holder to cut those cookies.  It's the perfect size.

5) The more variety of Christmas cookies the better.  Several years ago I started writing all the cookies we make on the chalkboard in our kitchen.  The tradition stuck.  And, by the way, this list is incomplete.  We've added some more. Brownie, Bark, Jam filled and more...

our chalkboard sans math problems

6) These are the Cherry Chocolate Kisses. Or #4 on the list.  My sweet and beautiful chef Chloe made me these.  By the way, those cookies were my breakfast this morning.  hee hee hee

cherry chocolate kisses

7) We have to frost several varieties yet.  I also have some to make.  However, today, I am incredibly burnt out from making cookies.  Get it?  Burnt out.  Okay -- I thought it was funny.

8) Hannah documented our entire cookie making day.  We'd have to redo things, move to better lighting, smile incredibly, look like we were having fun -- that was easy, add food coloring at specific times, and more.  I am so grateful to have a daughter who loves photography and who's documenting our lives beautifully.

any guesses to the type of cookie?  

and ignore my messy counter -- we were making cookies.

9) This weekend Hannah's camera broke.

10) I am so upset about this -- she's been saving for a DSLR for quite a while.  She's given some of her money for different things for the family, thus making her ability to get her camera longer.  And yet, she holds her head high and waits.  And now her camera broke?  My momma's heart broke along with it.

my beauty -- Hannah

11) Read her post here.  You'll be blessed. And offer her an encouraging word.  Please.

Okay.  Now, I must know if you make cookies.  And, if you do, what is your absolute fave?   Cause, you know, I'll be baking within a couple days....

Link up with my sweet friend, Carissa, with your own miscellany.  (I had to use the word sweet -- after all this was about making cookies....)

the domino effect

It's one of those days.

Last night, my Chloe felt awful before bed.  Gracie was already sick.

This morning my family fell like dominoes -- Hannah, Brennan, Caleb, Elijah, Chloe, Samuel, and myself.  We're coughing like there is no tomorrow.  The only one that feels okay, be it slightly?  Grace and my husband, Todd.

Sigh.

This is one of the reasons I don't like winter.  But, I'm not going to grumble anymore.  Nope.  Instead I'm going to list some beautiful benefits of dealing with a sick family.  Not that I ever want them sick, mind you, but if I looked only at everyone being sick, and feeling sick myself, I would end up in overwhelm.

So therefore, I give you some silver lining moments from this bout of illness.
 Twenty reasons to be exact. :)

1) I get many more hugs.
2) I get many more "I love you, Mom's"
3) There isn't any racing around our main level.
4) The fighting level drops drastically.
5) Many books get read.  (and yes, more television viewing...I've got to be real, right?)
6) I get a nap. Maybe.
7) It is not a vomit sickness.
8) It is not a vomit sickness.  (I had to type that twice.  I am SO grateful to have dodged that bullet)
9) My house stays clean.
10) We all realize how much we love each other.
11) We all realize how great it is to feel well.
12) I get to blog at 8:30 in the morning versus 5:30 in the morning or 11 pm at night.
13) Now, I get to go down in my family room, snuggle under a blanket with Eli and watch Curious George.
14) We learn about science when we discuss the benefits of a fever.
15) I finally can use the massive amount of Kleenex tissues that I bought at Costco
16) It is not vomit sickness.  I know, I know, I know.  Just had to mention it one more time.
17) The amount of running around I do in the Suburban will drop down to nothing.
18) We'll save gas money.  And food money -- since we're only eating chicken noodle soup
19) It only seems to last several days and Samuel's has NOT developed into croup.
20) Hopefully tomorrow we'll feel better - then I'll write a new list -- a list of health!

extra snuggle time

Do you have any "getting through the sick time tips" to share?  If so, please do.  I'd love to know.  Feel free to list your silver lining moments as well.  So often it's perspective, isn't it?

Blessings and health on your day!

oh those ads

my mother-in-laws salt & pepper shakers

Our newspaper was almost three inches thick yesterday. Ads stuffed the interior, with their glossy pages ladened with deals.  As I sat -- post turkey and slightly comatose -- perusing the ads I could feel my attitude shifting.

From gratitude to wanting.

All of a sudden what I did have seemed old.  Inadequate.  Out-date. Or I simply didn't have it and now found myself wanting it.

Then I stopped.

Not that shopping or looking at ads is bad.  Not at all -- in fact I'll probably be going out later today.  It came down to my heart.  Here I lamented not having cool gadgets, or a new couch, or some great boots -- and there are children around the world eagerly waiting for a shoe box of gifts (my Hannah will be working at Operation Christmas Child today packaging those boxes). Or those without food who await a simple bologna sandwich each day. (see my post on 363days)  Because they have nothing.  Or at least very little.

Who am I to complain?  Where did my heart go when I picked up that tome of ads? When did entitlement creep in?

Then last night I came home to read and comment on the ABC's of Thanks Link Ups.  I simply was blown away reading the lists.  The amount of blessings that I overlooked was glaring.  And yet, when I read your lists, I was humbled.  Reminded.  And so so grateful.

Today, on Black Friday, can I encourage you to read some of the ABC's of Thanks lists or to write your own?  You don't need to link-up -- it's not about pressure -- it's more about keeping the heart centered on the blessings in our lives versus the onslaught of ads pushing things they want us to have. Those items in the ads are good -- blessings -- shopping is a blessing -- it's just keeping the heart centered and focused and content. It's the difference between need and want.  For me writing down items of thanks and reading lists of gratitude re-centered my heart. I think, my friends,  you'll be blessed.

I am joyfully thankful today.

(if you haven't done yours and would like to I've kept the link open till Saturday.

 The link is above. And thank you to all who linked up.)

the ABC's of Thanks Link-up

<a href="http://justsomebeautiful.blogspot.com/2010/11/abcs-of-thanks-link-up.html"><img vspace="none" hspace="none" alt="Finding Joy | The ABC's of Thanks" src="http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/tt255/ElvishAuthoress/theabcsofthanks.png" align="center" /></a>Okay, as I was prepping for my Thanksgiving post I tried to imagine a creative way to list just some of the many things I'm grateful for.  As I pondered options my little Elijah kept singing the ABC's and next thing you know I made a list of ABC's attached with a couple thankful items.

Then Hannah and I talked and we decided to make it a link-up.  Well, I couldn't do it without her, since she made the button. :)

Anyways, here are my ABC'S of Thanks.  

a) angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream.  This is my favorite birthday cake.
b) Bible -- how easy it is to lose thanks for this gift. I am so grateful for God's Word.
c) coffee.  Any kind.
d) dinnertime with my family
e) energy -- really, really thankful for energy when I seem to have none.
f) family. My husband, Todd.  And my fabulous kids -- Hannah, Chloe, Grace, Brennan, Caleb, Elijah, and Samuel.
g) gardens -- where I can work the soil and see new life, new growth.
h) hugs from my little ones
i) instant coffee (sorry, couldn't resist, but sometimes it works out in the pinch)
j) joy.  This couldn't be my list without joy. (at first I listed jellybeans, but realized that joy had more impact and I realized that if I made the letter f finding it wouldn't make any sense until you got to j.  I think I might need some more instant coffee.)
k) knitting needles
l) listening friends, loving friends, loyal friends
m) my graphic designing daughter, Hannah, who made me my button. :)
n) new socks
o) optimism -- I've learned to look at the beauty and joy in life.
p) Philippians.  Anyone who reads this blog will know that I love, love, love to reference Philippians.
q) quietness (ha ha ha -- that's obvious)
r) remission.  Five years ago I didn't know if we would make it five years more.
s) summer vacations at the lake
t) Todd.  (want to hear something funny?  I couldn't think of anything for t -- besides Thai food -- and then Hannah says, I've got a super obvious one, mom.  Oh, yeah, that would be Todd.  My husband, second to Thai food.  I'm kidding.  He's awesome.)
u) USA.  It goes along with freedom.  We're blessed to live here -- we must not forget that.
v) vehicles to drive with -- especially ones that fit my whole family -- and they must have
w) windshield wipers
x) x-rays.  I know, seems obvious, but seriously, could you imagine if we didn't have them? As a mom I've been thankful for many x-rays.  Including the one that helped save Samuel.  See starstuck.
y) you all.  I am blessed beyond measure by the friendships made via the blogging world.  Blessed.
z) zoos -- which most days would be my home -- to which I am so grateful.

If you want to list your own ABC's of Thanks grab the button and link below.  I'm hoping you do -- as I'm kind of putting myself out there with this link-up-thingy.  So for all of you that link up, thank you, thank you, thank you!  Try to comment on a couple other blogger's lists -- and mention how thankful you are for them as well. The linky will be open till Saturday.  So you have time. I can't wait to read your lists! :)

Make sure to grab a button and include it in your post...and go ahead and write away.  I can't wait to read your answers for the letter x and z!

And feel free to comment with some thankful things -- I love the attitude of gratitude!

Have a Blessed and Grateful Thanksgiving my blogging friends!!

a list of gratitude

a very thankful miscellany

1) Samuel and I are awake right now.  When he wakes up he starts saying, "momma, momma, momma."  I'm thankful beyond words for the gift of life.  I'm humbled that I get to be his momma -- I need to keep my eyes aware and open and full of gratitude.

2) Hannah and Chloe were on a youth retreat this weekend.  The challenge?  Taking a stand for Christ.  I am grateful for the leaders, my friends, who recognize the importance of investing in the next generation.

3) Here's a video of Hannah singing at church yesterday.  Her love for the Lord shines through.


Love Is Here :: 180 Youth Music Team :: Living Hope Church, October 31, 2010 from Joshua Skogerboe on Vimeo.

4) Speaking of an awesome church, I really thankful for Josh Skogerboe.  He recorded this video, leads worship, and speaks truth.  I'm also thankful that he married my amazing friend, Amy.  God has blessed me with them.  Check out his blog here

Amy, myself, and my friend Julie

you can see Josh -- he's the shadow on my face. :)

5) Yesterday, my awesome neighbor, Maria, came over to test out some cool cleaning product she had purchased.  First, I'm grateful -- she cleaned my entire stove and some cabinets, and I must say, they look fabulous.  But, more importantly, I am thankful for her -- an awesome neighbor, but more importantly -- friend.  We are so blessed to live where we do and have the most excellent neighbors.  It's easy to take that for granted.  So, today, I'm thankful.

6) My clean stove rocks.  Just had to add an extra thanks there.

7) I'm thankful for dress-up boxes.  This is my Caleb last night.  Dressed as a mad scientist.  It just took some hairspray, some $1 glasses from the dollar section at Target, and an old white pajama shirt.  Perfect!

Caleb the Mad Scientist
with Indiana Jones in the background

8) I love being home with my kids.  I'm thankful. Yes, some days are tremendously hard.  Despite those I wouldn't change it for the world.

9) And, speaking of being home, I am grateful for the freedom to homeschool.  It's a freedom that so many, many families in other countries do not have -- this freedom is a gift.  And one that I do not take for granted.

science with Grace 

9/09

10) Speaking of school, I'm thankful to finally have established our routine.  It takes me, well, it looks like 2 months, to settle into our new year.  My range in kids -- from highschool down to one year old Samuel -- makes for an interesting year.  I'm blessed.

What are you thankful for today?  It could be the coffee in front of you (like me).  Or the kids that are just waking up.  Or the excitement as you finalize your adoption.  Or for a great church.  Or blogging friends. Or even the freedom to blog -- to express ourselves.  Or to worship openly.

Time keeps moving.

Have a blessed Monday.

_______

One more thing, I have a friend who's almost two year old daughter has dealt with seizures her entire life.  As of yesterday, this sweet child was in the hospital, and was not expected to survive. Would you pray for this family?  Thank you.

beauty through tired eyes

that's Elijah after his Aunt Abby did his hair

See my sweet Elijah?  With his crazy spikey gel-covered hair?

He's sick today.  So sick -- we knew.  Instead of running, he sat.  Instead of climbing, he cuddled.  Todd called as I was dropping the girls off at ballet and requested that I bring him to urgent care.  When the husband asks that I take a child to the doctor - I listen and move.

So I brought my sweet three year old to the doctor, and ended up sharing a bit of our story.  Some snippets of our cancer journey made it to the surface, and by the end of the check up the urgent care doctor was calling Elijah a miracle.  I loved that.  It was endearing to me to have a man, a virtual stranger, care deeply for my little man.

It's easy to overlook those moments, isn't it?  We can hurry about dashing from errand to appointment to the store to ballet and gradually we lose the gifts tucked into those snippets of time.  Like a doctor, calling my son 'Lijee, instead of Elijah.  I found out that this doctor has a son of his own named Elijah.  How else would he know such an endearing nickname, and one that we use, to call our son?

I was thankful.

At Target, while filling our prescription, I was blessed by the pat on my hand from the pharmacist.  She must have seen the weariness in my eyes -- between Samuel's croup and Elijah and the other boys' coughs -- I am tired.  She told me, after explaining how to correctly dose Zithromax, to have a blessed afternoon.  She could have just left and moved onto the next customer.

I was thankful.

Then tonight, a dear friend listened as I replayed the saga of my week.  She didn't hurry my story.  She listened.  Oh, how I needed an empathetic ear, to feel cared for, and to be encouraged.

I was thankful.

Sometimes the ordinary moments of a frenetic day yields the most beautiful lessons.  Lessons in listening, and caring, and speaking.  God can meet us in unique and intimate ways throughout our days.  From a nickname, to a blessing to a friend -- those are gifts -- ones that I could have missed or taken for granted.  Yet, for some reason, today with my exhausted body I saw them.

I am thankful.

____________

Just in case you're wondering, my little Elijah has a double ear infection and the starts of pneumonia. We knew he had taken a turn for the worst when he refused to get off our laps and would just rest on the floor.  He's had a bad cough since last week Friday, and it seemed to be mending, but just today shifted.  He's sleeping now.  And, I'm thankful for that as well -- and for trusting my husband's instincts.

Elijah -today- at Target waiting for his medicine

cast on - over and under - cast off

For several weeks my Gracie has been begging to be taught how to knit.  Finally, last night, I sat down with her and began the process of teaching.

Through, around, over and off.

She was determined.  She'd sit there and not complain.  Though dropped stitches, added loops, and more.  She persevered.

Then, today, less then 12 hours after learning she presented me with this scarf.

And promptly asked for more yarn.

I love that creating occupied her time.  Not video games, or television -- but using her hands to make, to create.  She told me - mom, I love to knit, it's so relaxing.  It's ironic how the simplest tasks can bring the greatest joy.

I wish I had sat down with her weeks ago.  Despite that, I am grateful for the hour that I intentionally sat next to her on our couch coaching her and encouraging her little hands.  I remember thinking about how this task is a task passed from generation to generation.  And I was thankful.  So thankful for that sweet gift of time.

And now, today, I'm off to find more yarn.

confused clarity

wake up
get breakfast
change the kids
clean the kitchen
start laundry
get dressed
teach the kids
answer the phone
drive
teach
start lunch
clean the kitchen
teach
read
drive

what's life?

what's joy?

I'm tired.  And confused.  Lest you think this blogger has her life tied up neatly with a giant organized bow -- I am here to remind you that I, too, have those exhausting days where I'd love to chuck the unthrowable towel in and ask for a break.  (how's that for a run-on sentence?)

The daily grind. 

I want to laugh.  To smile, to feel free, to sleep, to live.   Yet, the daunting pile of  laundry stirs agitation in my heart.  The stack of schoolbooks shoved against the wall creates guilt over all that isn't complete.  There's dishes needing to be washed, and toys to be placed in boxes--only to be dumped out again in the morning.  There are bills to be paid, and things to buy.  Too much for this momma to handle.

At least for tonight.

God's mercies are new every morning.  I've allowed overwhelm to overwhelm me.  I've been looking at the temporary, the present -- forgetting that tomorrow I'll fold that laundry, and we'll pick up those books, and use those dishes -- and those toys?  They'll be played with.  Would I want it any other way?  Nope.

So I fall on my knees grateful.  Even though I've allowed overwhelm to win for a bit.  And gradually all of the anxieties of the day fade away as gratitude fills those aching places.

Thank you for letting me wake up.

Thank you for food for breakfast

Thank you for diapers for the kids

Thank you for a kitchen

Thank you for clothes for the laundry

Thank you that I have the physical ability to get dressed

Thank you for the freedom to teach the kids

Thank you for the phone

Thank you for a vehicle to drive

Thank you for kids to teach

Thank you for food to start lunch

Thank you for the beauty in a clean kitchen

Thank you for the time to teach

Thank you for books to read

Thank you for the sun while I drive

Thank you.

How could I have forgotten to give thanks?

It was about me -- not you, Jesus.  You have blessed me greatly.  So greatly.

Thank you, Jesus, thank you.

A Miscellany Monday Whine

My verse for today?

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Proverbs 12:5

The anxious heart?  Mine.
The kind words?  From you guys.
Why? Read below

1) Today's temperature is supposed to be about 94.  Not bad, right?  With high humidity.  With  heat warnings -- where it will feel like it is in the mid 100s.

2) Just a reminder -- yes, I do live in Minnesota.  And no, we are not always cold.  See above.

3) Last night, about eleven pm, I thought to myself, "Is it warm in here?"  I went down, checked the thermostat and it read (brightly -- due to the new batteries we put in earlier in the day) 84 degrees.  Hmmmmm...I flicked the switch, felt the vents (blowing hot air), and went outside.  Dead.  My outside unit was dead.

4) Changing batteries in the thermostat does not fix the problem.

5) Attempting to find a working flashlight in a house of four boys at 11:30 at night (it was that time by then) is never easy.

6) Our interior of our home is creeping up to 90 right now.  And it is only 7:58 in the morning.  The interior of my mood is creeping to 90.  And at 100 is the limit.  I am going to have to think of some super plan -- involving iced coffee -- to make it through the day.

7) I am hot.

8) When I say, "I am hot" I mean that my body is not cool temperature wise.  Just thought I'd clarify that point.

9) Even though I tried to be humorous in this list, there are many pressing needs on my family right now and it is testing my perseverance.  Really.  It's easy to get overwhelmed right now -- especially when I'm warm -- but there seems to be more that needs to go out then I have in.  I'd love prayers for God's providence.

10) And last, but not least, I am laughing at the irony of the label on my air conditioner.  See picture.  There is no achieving going on now. I'm thinking that this is more of an epic fail.

Thanks for reading my whiney Miscellany Monday.  I tried to make my whiney at least a little bit enjoyable.  And doesn't whining/finding joy together seem like an oxymoron?  I hope I redeemed the whine.  At least it wasn't this:

Bloooooooooooooooooooooooogers......I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed your loooooooooooove.  (in a grating whiney type)

Remember to link on up!  Carissa's Miscellany Monday post today is awesome.   Had me grinning.

the gratitude challenge

Several weeks ago my husband challenged me to change my thinking.  He asked that whenever I get worried about something that instead of sitting in the fear that I turn it to thanks.  For example, if I was worried about finances I would recognize the worry and then thank God for providing for our family and for His abundance.

I fought doing this.  Like crazy.

I wanted to sit in my worry -- because I knew all the answers, right?  And slowly, I found that instead of trusting I was becoming a bit pessimistic.  And this, my friends, goes against my nature.  So Todd, my husband, asked me again to praise whenever I was fearful.

I fought doing this.  Again.

So I'd find myself awake at 2am while the rest of my family slept.  Then when I'd awake, I'd be crabby -- fearful.  I'd storm around the house, muttering my dissatisfaction with everything -- thus creating such a mood of discontent.

Then finally, I decided to try.

When anxiety welled up inside -- health, or how to afford homeschool supplies, or job ops, or more -- I just praised.  I thanked our Father for what He has already provided and what will be provided.  And gradually, I felt the robes of fear begin to fall off.  I was looking at my plans, my agendas, my goals and was becoming discontent when they weren't what I expected. Or wanted.  I had been comparing myself and thus losing my contentment.

Until those days of thanks.

I had been so full of self and my own wants that I forgot to see what I was blessed with.  Even though things might not be what I always imagined, I am still greatly blessed.  I have a home, wonderful children, a faithful husband, food on my table, good health, a husband in remission, great neighbors, excellent friends, freedom to worship, freedom to homeschool -- how could I forget all these?

I had forgotten because I forgot the need to be grateful.

Today, can I challenge you to post a comment of one thing that you are grateful for?  Perhaps it is even simply blogger -- there is great freedom in our ability to express ourselves. This a freedom that many do not have.  Or for your health.  Or your kids.  Or your spouse.  Or our country.  Whatever it is -- give thanks.

And I pray, that your words and ponderings about gratitude will fill your day with joy.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  Psalm 28:7

those hidden treasures

I have this bowl.  When my grandmother died, there were a collection of bowls that I was blessed to receive.  There was one bowl, a bowl that no one really wanted -- that I took.  I brought it home and dubbed it my "scrap bowl" -- the bowl that I put all the garbage and scraps in when I cooked.  Gradually, I learned to love this little, not-wanted bowl. 

Then yesterday, at a family reunion, I found out that my bowl was a collectors item.

That people pay large amounts of money for my scrap bowl.

And I started to laugh.

Isn't that how life is? The real treasures tend to be overlooked, shunned, and pushed to the side. Maybe it's a loved one -- instead of focusing on their good traits all we see is what they do wrong.  And then, one day, our eyes are opened to their beauty.  But at what price?

We are no better than that bowl.  The world defines us as worthless, without price or value.  We don't measure up.  We don't look as good.  We don't have enough money.  We don't. We don't. We don't.  Oh, how easy it is to allow those We don't statements to define us.  Then we are defined by the world.

But we are hidden treasures.

In the Lord we are like that bowl.  Priceless.  Beautiful.  His treasure.

So, the next time I chop my tomatoes, or make salsa -- which is what is in that bowl now -- I'm going to thank my Lord that He sees me and He defines me.  Not the world. Their labels are worthless. His?  Priceless.

Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7b

(Interested in my bowl?  It's a TEXAS WARE 111 bowl.  And I love it.)