Long story short, I'd love some prayer. When Todd was ill we were out of work for about a year. And, just about one year prior to him being diagnosed with cancer he lost a great job. Across the country. Simply because the company decided to "restructure." Anyways, things got messed up. Terribly. It was so frustrating to be absolutely helpless as you saw everything crumble apart.
We're still dealing with some aftermath...again...I found it out this morning. And I am worn. So, so worn. My heart is so bruised and beat right now. I want to scream, "it's not fair." I want to qualify the Father's love. But I don't. This world is upside-down...not rightly ordered. This current situation is plain and simply wrong...yet, because the world is so messed up it continues. I don't have to sit in the mud (even though I want to at times). I'm standing up, holding my head high, and choosing to live with the strength that He gives me. Despite the hurt, and worry, and deep, deep fear. Those things I keep releasing to my King Jesus. He knows what we need, He will provide, He holds me and our family in His palm. And I ask Him to replace any anxiety with His peace. And joy.
So I ask for prayer. I hate having to humble myself. That pride creeps in... The good thing about really hard times? They shift your priorities into order. Things that seemed so important 24 hours ago now drift to the sidelines. Now smack in the center of my life, once again, is the need to look first to Jesus. First. And to praise Him no matter what.
Not that I have already obtained all of this,
or have already been made perfect,
but I press on to take hold
of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
I do not consider myself
yet to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind
and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal
to win the prize for which God has called
me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:12-14
Those verses are my life verses. God is faithful, and He is good, and He loves me and my family no matter what this world tries to throw at us. And I will praise Him always.
I'll post a more normal post tomorrow. I just needed to write this...I needed to be faithful.
