loads we carry
(elijah with my sister fall 2009)
Do you ever lose sight of what true beauty is? And in the process replace beauty with something of this world?
Do you ever wake up overwhelmed before you start?
I do.
Do you ever feel the more you believe in truth the harder the battle will be?
Do you ever feel alone? Like there's more to do then you can handle?
Do you ever feel hurt?
I do.
If you do too...you are not alone.
I was thinking of writing this funny, uplifting, eloquent post tonight. I tried to write. I looked through pictures, and thought of the the laughs and many joys of the day. I wanted to write about the amazing gifts my children blessed me with today (and that will be coming...wait till you see what Hannah surprised me with from a fellow blogger, Lindsey) Yet, I couldn't come up with words that felt, well...real. They seemed forced, made-up, as if they were words attempting to give the illusion of a heart that felt at peace.
So instead, I spoke my heart. My questions. My wonders. And in writing those questions, I began to surrender those thoughts of insecurity. Instead of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, it began to slide off. Freedom. From me? No. The surrender came from realizing that Jesus doesn't want me to figure all that out on my own. He's my all in all. Am I supposed to latch onto the lies and hurts of this world? No. I need to rest in the truth of Jesus despite all things. Despite my own thoughts, my short-comings, and my worries. He trumps them all.
When Todd was going through cancer treatments a very dear friend of mine gave me a Sara Groves cd. To this day, I don't know if this friend knows how special and important she is to me...Still...I love her, as a sister in Christ and hold our friendship in a treasured place in my heart. Anyways, the words of Sara Groves were a balm for an aching soul. There were many songs that have deep meaning to me, even to this day. In fact, when I give my testimony, I often play one of her songs at the end. But there's one song, that my mind started running as I wrote those questions. That song? Remember Surrender. It's beautiful. And true. And needed. And sadly, so often forgotten.
let it go
I had forgotten to surrender. Those thoughts? Those fears? Those deep hurts? I was carrying the weight. I had forgotten the truth. The truth that Jesus, sweet Jesus, will carry me.Remember surrender
Remember the rest
Remember that weight lifting off of your chest
And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was
Remember surrender
Remember relief
Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks
As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in
I want to do that again
Why can't I live there
And make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember
Remember surrender
Remember the peace
Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep
In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun
Remember surrender
Remember that sound
Of all of those voices inside dying down
But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within
I want to do that again
Why can't I live there
And make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember
Remember
Oh surrender...I want to do that again
Oh why can't I liver there and make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember
Remember
Remember surrender
Remember the rest
Remember that weight lifting off of your chest
And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was.
(by Sara Groves 2002)
